I’m not sure if it is just girls that do it to themselves, or just certain girls, but pretty much every female I know seems to be extremely hard on themselves. They can see the beauty and grace in all the females they surround themselves with, but they are unable to see it in themselves. They are full of kind words to use on their friends and families, full of great advice, kindness and compassion for them but can not seem to be so understanding when looking in the mirror. I can put my hands up and say I am especially guilty of this, although I like to think I am getting better.
Someone recently said something to me that made me a bit speechless (yes, me. I KNOW!) I am not going to share what that was, call me an ass if you will, but I want to keep it to myself because, well, because it was our moment. Just know that it melted the ice box in my chest a little bit, and it made me realise that maybe, just maybe, I should be a bit kinder to myself and that maybe I am not as much of a flop as I think I am most days.
Asking people what they think of me isn’t something I normally do, mainly because I am too nervous ha-ha, but seriously have you ever said to you best friends or partner “what is it you like most about me?” or “describe me in one word”. Probably not: I know I definitely haven’t. I may have been curious before but it’s just not something that I would ever verbalise, for fear of sounding like an egotistical a-hole if anything.
Last night at dinner with my friend of 8 years (and fellow band member) Charlie I was listening to her talk about things going on in life and it became clear she had a completely different view of herself than that of everyone who knows her; I could see that she doesn’t see herself how the world sees her.
That is how this blog came about. I think that we all need to be reminded to be a bit kinder to ourselves and to remind each other that we are doing our best, and that we can keep going.
I sent some of my closest pals this message tonight:
Ladiesssss…. I need your help. I am currently writing a blog about how we se ourselves compared to how others see us. I would be most grateful if you could private message me out of the group here one word you would describe yourself and why. And also do the same for me – so one word you would use to describe me. Please do not feel you have to rub my ego. Ha-ha be honest, the first word you would use to describe me is probably the best place to start. Thanks in advance. xoxo Micks
The following are copies of the messages I received from the gyaldem.
Oh, and before I start the word I would use to describe myself is ‘average’. I have used that word to describe myself many a time. I am an average girl, average looks, nothing too special you know. Just average.
According to my friends I am using the wrong word. Here is what they had to say about me and, more importantly, themselves…
“I managed to narrow it down to 1 in the end with mums help and you my darling Mick are ‘Exceptional’, An exceptional friend, employee, daughter, sister and all around human being and nothing describes you better. It covers all. For me… I would probably say… that I am ‘compassionate’ Because I care for my friends and loved ones more than anything, because their happiness is all that matters to me and it’s a blessing and a curse lol! I think that extreme behaviours is why I have gotten to the place on at now”
My word for Charlie is STRONG.
Charlie’s story is not mine to tell but believe me when I tell you she has gone through some shit this last year or so (unfortunately she still won’t let me hit anyone for her…). The Charlie I had dinner with last night was a different person to the person who I had dinner with a few months ago. She has finally put herself first, and given herself time to work on herself and is beginning to realise her own worth. And I have to tell you, Charles, it is such a joy to see. You blow me away with your strength, that you still have time for everyone else after the times people have shat on you, that you still look at the world with childlike eyes and see the good in people. That is a blessing and a curse, I agree. You are strong. You’ve gone through it, and have come out the other side still smiling. You should be proud of that. I know I am.
“As per your request my dear For me I would say determined/ selfish I definitely know what I want and will stop at nothing to get it! Part of me would be far more derogatory especially about my physical appearance! For you I would say protective fiercely I know that you would stand up for anyone you love and when it came to organising my hen do you stood up for me and what I wanted so I didn’t have to! Made me love you even more! James says eccentric for you! Mwah xx”
My word for Amy: FEARLESS.
Amy is someone who, in all the time I have known her, has never wavered in who she is. She goes after what she wants with the determination and focus I can only ever dream to possess. She is fearless in her approach to all things in life. I admire that so much about her. She deserves the world. To me, it is not in a selfish way. To me it is fearless. Confident. Brave. Determined.
For James, I would say brave – because he is brave knowing he has to put up with me for life, especially after they are married in April! Ha-ha!
Byng-Byng-it’s a bad boi ting!
“I would describe you as hilarious because you make me laugh and because you see the funny side to most things. I would say that I’m funny because I’m always laughing”
My word for Byng: UPLIFTING.
She completely is. There is no better word for her. She is one of the best people in my life and I just wish I had gotten to know her better sooner. You can’t be around Byng and not have your mood lifted. She is, hands down, the funniest person I know (except perhaps my mum), and she is a ray of sunshine in my life, a much-needed dose of Prozac. My abs get the best work out of my life when I’m with this one. She just has this energy about her that makes everyone at ease, and I have never introduced her to anyone who hasn’t then raved at great and me after how funny they think she is. A true gem.
Me: fighter You: honest. Fighter meaning to get to where I want to be in life, not physical!! I say honest because I believe you are not a bullshitter. Also, you are a true friend that wouldn’t lie just to get what you want. You don’t always say the things that people want to hear but rather what they need to hear, because you know that in the long run it will be better for them”
My word for Sammy: FIGHTER.
Sammy actually has described herself as I would. Nothing in life has been handed to Sam (I’m sure she wouldn’t mind me saying that); she wasn’t born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Everything she has, from possessions to relationships to her job, she has fought for. She’s knocked down 7 times; she comes up 8. She may not have seen her life taking the path it has but I know that she is happy, and after everything that’s all she has ever wanted to be. Happy.
Now, because Leanna and Sophia are busy sunning themselves in Florida you can have the screen grabs of theirs…
My word for Leanna: UNAPOLOGETIC. Now I have only been close friends with Leanne for a year or so (thanks Sophie for bringing her into my life) but in that time one thing I have constantly admired about Leanne is how unapologetic she is in herself. She is who she is, and she is at ease with that. You can take her or leave her she doesn’t really care. I can definitely do with taking a leaf out of her book.
P.S Leanna, you are totes hilar.
Sophie had this to say
My word for Sophie: SUPPORTIVE.
She really is. She has never been anything but that to me or to those others she holds close. She is one of my biggest cheerleaders (even if it normally comes across in an insult – charmer) she is there even when I think I don’t need anyone, or when I don’t want anyone. When I’m having a bad day and want to be left alone she will just sit there in the corner (figuratively speaking) and just pop up from time to time with a well-placed friends joke and a pep talk until I’m out of my funk. Some of the hardest personal and professional times in the past 2 years I never would have got through without her support. They say you find friends for life at work, but I got extra lucky and found a sister.
‘About me: LOYAL because I stick by the people that I love and trust unconditionally, no matter what.
You: Capricious. Look at the definition, it is you to a T”
My word for Burden: FOCUSED.
I think Burden is focused. She is always striving to be better and be the best at what she does (even if it doesn’t always go to plan). Her love for her family focuses her to continually push herself and her expectations of herself. I think that’s pretty cool.
‘I would describe myself as genuine – I try hard to please others and like to be liked (even by strangers lol). I want people to think/see that I try the best for my family and myself. And I hope that most of all, I make Oscar happy. I would describe you as generous! – Not only with gifts and possessions but also with love. You have so much love to give and you are always thinking of other people’
My word for Rachpal: KIND HEARTED.
Believe me when I tell you there is not a bad bone in this girls entire body. She has a heart of gold and I count my lucky stars I get to call her my best friend. She has all the time in the world for anyone and everyone, and the kettle is always on ready for a chat. Whether that chat is listening to you talk about the same problems for the 25th time or listening to your tales of travels or sharing stories from work. She’s there with open arms (and a full biscuit tin) to listen and share and be apart of it and give you her advice. She is a phenomenal mum, between her and George they are raising the most amazing little boy who is taking after mummy with his kind heart and compassion. I love her and am not really sure how I coped before I knew her.
Now, there were some other girls that I sent the message to too but obviously, life is happening so they haven’t all responded. To those girls, I’m happy to tell you my word for you if you want to know it. Just know though, that if I sent that message to you, you make my life better just by being in it and I love you.
As you may have gathered from the messages from Sophie, some of what people said made me shed a tear (or perhaps I had dust in my eye), when I look at myself I don’t see what they see. I see something different. And they seem to see something different in themselves than I see. Something I found interesting was there was negative language in a lot of the messages (some of which aren’t here), there was a bit if doubt, or what they hope people think. Almost as if they weren’t convinced.
I think it’s clear we all need to practice a little bit more self-love. Life is simpler and lighter when we are kind to ourselves, we become more confident because we stop looking for validation from others, and we are simply happier.
We are all doing the best we can, trying to be the best versions of ourselves. So let us go forth with compassion and kindness for everyone we come across, including ourselves, and remember, life is way too short to be at war with yourself every day.
Until next time,