“Everyone is a bit obsessed with relationships, aren’t they?” –Sophie
This was something Soph said to me today whilst we were slobbed out, drinking tea on the couch in Café Nero. You know what? It’s true, it’s really bloody true.
Everyone is obsessed with relationships; who’s in one, who’s not. Who’s getting engaged, married, who’s breaking up… everyone is obsessed.
Like Carrie Bradshaw, I am the last single girl. All my gal pals (and my gay pals) are in relationships, some of them have mortgages, some of them have babies, some have rings and impending weddings. If you’re not in a relationship people want to know why, and as the last single girl, it is a question I have been asked a lot.
The thing about this question that makes makes me laugh and annoys me simultaneously is that when these people ask this question, they already have an idea in their head about WHY you’re still alone.
Some of the most popular ones are:
“You must be too fussy”
I don’t believe this is the case for me but Errrr, I’m sorry but why does not wanting to settle make me too fussy? Why should I settle for someone who doesn’t give me that feeling I get when I see my food coming in a restaurant? I shouldn’t.
“Maybe you’re too focused on your career, do you spend too much time at work?”
No, I’m not. I enjoy my job, I give it 100% because what’s the point in doing something and half assing it, but I am not too focused on my career. And also, even if I was, why is that a bad thing? A single guy is ok to be focused on his career so why can’t a girl be? Stupid sexists.
“Maybe you need to get out more and go to the right places/maybe you’re not looking in the right place”
What does this even mean? Maybe I need to get out more? Are you shitting me? I have a very busy life, I get out enough thank you very much. I rarely have days where I am doing nothing, as my parents say ‘you have no chill, you’re always busy”. ‘The right places?” please define the right place to meet someone? A pub or club? House party? Supermarket? At work? A coffee shop? If I asked any of my friends who are in relationships how they met their SO’s I know it would be a mix of all of the above so please refrain from the ‘right place’ phrase. There ain’t no such thing.
I have been single a while, and I have gotten pretty good at it I must say and when I am asked the above question I have my jokey response nailed (normally something along the lines of ‘who knows? I’m a hoot’). As the self confessed last single girl in my circle of friends, I am here to let everyone know the 10 things you shouldn’t say/do to your single friends (aside from asking us why we’re still single, of course)
Don’t BS us with the ‘when you stop looking, you’ll find the right one’ thing.
Especially don’t say this to us if you met your SO on an online dating site – you were clearly looking for a SO when you went online. Yes, timing is everything – I do believe you can meet the right person at the wrong time – but don’t feed us this shit line when it clearly wasn’t what you believed. It just makes you look like a tool and it really isn’t true. I stopped looking a while back and I’m still sitting in on a Friday night, crying to the Bridget Jones soundtrack by myself whilst downing wine and asking my cat what’s wrong with me. JK, I hate wine. And cats.
Please don’t make it your life mission to find us a partner.
Seriously, just stop. Focus on your own life. We know you mean well but just don’t ok?
Please don’t bring your SO along every time we meet up
No this doesn’t mean we don’t like them; it just means we’d like to see our friend alone from time to time – it’s not really ‘girls night’ if there’s a guy there you know.
Please don’t tell us we have it easy being alone
Yes this may be partially true, I don’t have to consider anyone else when making plans and the holidays are a damn sight cheaper alone however, life is rough no matter your relationship status but the perk for you is that you have someone to share the load with when it all gets too much. Don’t forget to appreciate that.
Don’t stop inviting us to stuff because we’re single
This links in to number 3. As the last single girl/guy we are used to being the 3rd, 4th, 750th wheel. We still wanna hang out with you, so just invite us – unless it’s to something that requires a partner like a dance class. I draw the line at dancing with myself.
Stop making a joke out of it.
This is probably really hypocritical because I take the hand out of my single status all the time with the “…tell me why I’m still single again” line after every time I do something stupid like falling over or spilling tea on myself but unless you’re one of my best friends and we’re in a deep conversation about it, never say this to someone who’s single. It can do more harm than good, trust me.
Stop trying set us up with any single person you come across
If you wouldn’t date your cousin’s best friends aunties nephew six times removed then what makes you think we would? We need to have more in common than just both being single, you know?
When we’ve had a bad date -save the “there’s plenty more fish in the sea” thing
It was a bad date, not a bad tuna sandwich.
“You don’t need a man/woman anyway, you do the single thing so well”
Firstly “single thing” WTF? Secondly, no you’re right I don’t need a man, I’ve got my shit handled but maybe I want one. There is a difference.
“Maybe if you did/said/ wore …. Then you’d find someone”
Really? Like, really? Not only are you oversimplifying, you’re asking us to be/do something that isn’t us. Yes, it may end up attracting us to someone but it’s most likely going to be someone who doesn’t fit with us well at all, leading to a break up and then we’re back at square one. Just let us be us, ok?
I stop the list the at 10, but I could’ve gone on… being single is rough, man!
Is there anything else my fellow singletons would add?
I’m gonna end with my favourite Carrie Bradshaw quote that pops into my head everytime someone brings up my single status and questions “WHY?”
“Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them.
See. Carrie knows.
Until next time,