Why do we break our own hearts?

Location: My house.

Listening to: Christina Perri ‘Head or Heart’

 

 

Why do we break our own hearts?

This is something I have been wondering a lot lately. Why do we break our own hearts? I am guilty of putting myself in situations that I know will ultimately lead me to be hurt. I see the people around me doing it all the time too.

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We break own hearts by giving our time, energy and love to people who don’t care, to people who don’t want it.

We break our own hearts loving people who will never love us back.

We break our hearts by missing people who don’t miss us.

We break our own hearts by giving our attention to people to who ignore us unless it’s beneficial for them to acknowledge us.

We break our own heart by having high expectations.

We break own hearts by going the extra mile for people who wouldn’t give us half a yard.

We break our own hearts by living in our heads and then become crushed when reality doesn’t live up to the world we created there, because reality is just that. Reality. It is not imagination.

We break our own hearts by chasing people who are running in the opposite direction, clearly trying to get away.

We break our own hearts by reading into something – we make it a novel when there is really just one sentence there.

We break our own hearts by thinking that we can change people when really all the time, love and attention in the world will not change anyone. Only they can change themselves.

We break our own hearts in so many ways.

The most frustrating thing is that really, deep down, we know this already. When a friend comes to us we see things clearly in black and white. When it is us there becomes significantly more grey areas. We seem to run around completely unaware that this is what we are doing until it is too late.

We then repair the cracks, close ourselves off from the world a bit more, and write it off as a lesson learnt. None of us deserve it, so why do we do it?

Maybe we do it to prove something to ourselves.

Maybe we do it to prove to ourselves we cared enough to get hurt.

Maybe we do it to prove that something mattered enough; that we mattered enough.

Maybe we do it because it’s better to say that we have broken our own heart than to have someone else break it for us.

Maybe we do it because we always hope that this time it will be different, maybe this time we’ll be lucky.

Maybe we do it to prove that we were brave enough to take the risk.

Maybe we do it to remind ourselves that life is not perfect. We are not perfect.

Maybe.

Maybe we’ll never know.

What I do know is it seems like such a waste of time and energy.

It is a habit we need to learn how to break.

Our hearts will thank us for it.

 

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