Where I am: Mi casa
What I’m listening to: The Beatles – Abbey Road
Bonjour and hello to you!
(I’ve been rewatching ‘Miranda recently, can you tell?)
I have lost my flow, people. I went 10 weeks consistently posting and then I stopped. So this week you will be treated with 2 posts (you may use the word treated lightly).First post. This one is all about height. Riveting stuff, I know I know. Calm down.
I shall tell you my reason for this post – on Wednesday I had been working in Eastbourne and was on the train on my way home. There I was, just minding my own business probably stalking one of you guys on social media and BAM.
OUT OF NOWHERE A MAN MUCH TALLER THAN I DECIDES IT’S OK TO REST HIS ARM ON MY SHOULDER.
At this point I should probably add that we were standing up, he didn’t just randomly sit down next to me and put his arm there but STILL. I waited a moment or two to see if he would move said arm, oh no. No, no. He was quite content with it there. At this point I pulled out my best ‘teacher’ voice and with a loud “Errrm, excuse me” and a great ‘can you f*** off and die’ look ( I got that from my big sister – Mel, big up yourself) he responded “Oh sorry, I didn’t see you there”
“YES THE INVISIBILITY POTION I HAD FOR LUNCH WORKED!” I exclaimed.
Not really, I’m British and that would have been rude. I just did what most Brits would have done, smiled awkwardly and muttered under my breath.
Now, for those of you that don’t know I am below average in the height department; the average height in the UK for the ladies is about 5’5 – I am 5’1. Overall, I really enjoy my height. I like being shorter than average. There are times when it is a pain in the ass but I have perfected the art of climbing to reach things.
For those of you not vertically challenged, I have put together a list of things that are no bueno about being small so you can understand the struggles we face. Welcome to our world. For those of you, like me, who are shorter than norm know you’re not alone.
Shopping is the worst because most of the best trousers only come in ‘regular’ length it means we have to find someone who can tailor them to the correct length, live with constantly folded up bottoms or be content with the dodgy homemade tailor job we can do ourselves.
TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF SO I CAN SEE HOW SHORT YOU REALLY ARE
If I had a penny for every time this was said to me on a night out I’d be able to afford some stilts.
On the flip side “YOU SHOULD WEAR HEELS MORE”
No mate, you should wear your muzzle more.
WHEN THERE IS A TALL PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU AT A CONCERT/SHOW/MOVIE.
Let’s make audiences for these things ‘height order’ – everyone can see then. It’s a winning situation for all. Currently I have to decide if I want to get there early to queue and be at the front for concerts and actually see, or if I just resign myself to turning up late and just enjoy the music and see the artist on the screen.
PLEASE NOTE – USING ‘CUTE’ NICKNAMES LIKE ‘SHORT-ASS’, ‘MIDGET’ and ‘DWARF’ ARE NOT AS FUNNY AS YOU THINK.
This is because we have spent our lives hearing them. They don’t annoy me, so use them by all means, but don’t expect me to laugh – it’s not funny after the first, say, 100 times? I personally like to refer to myself as ‘fun-sized’.
“DOESN’T IT SUCK TO BE SHORT?”
No. I don’t think so. It must suck to be rude though. Also, I’m not self-conscious about my height, thanks.
“I DIDN’T SEE YOU DOWN THERE”
I’m sorry, are you registered blind? Do you have a severe sight impairment? No? Ok, so you have working eyes. I’m glad we’ve established that. What you really mean is ‘I wasn’t looking where I was going’, ‘I’m more interested on what is on my phone’ and so on and so forth.
NO, I’M NOT AN ARMREST.
Not for my friends or the crazy people I meet on public transport.
‘WILL I BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY IN THIS JOB INTERVIEW?”
Being smaller this is a genuine concern – I often wonder if I have enough ‘presence’ to win people over in important meetings/ interviews.
PLEASE DON’T PAT MY HEAD
I am short, not a dog.
So there we have it, a brief top ten of the struggles I, and many other shorter people, face. Despite these first world problems, I like being small. Or rather, what I call, ‘fun sized’. After all, the best things come in small packages!
Ciao, Adios. I’m done.