i’m not really sure what this post is going to be about if i’m honest but i was talking to one of my friends this morning who said i should start blogging again because she missed it.
i said i didn’t feel like i had anything to say
she told me to shut up (how rude) and start doing it again.
i used to write a lot because i had a lot of thoughts that i wanted to share with the world, because it calmed my mind and because i genuinely enjoyed it. some of you seemed to too. fair enough, 90% of the time yous were probably all thinking ‘oh fuck off” but you were all kind enough to never tell me – i guess you could tell i had a fragile ego through my words – so thank you.
why i haven’t written a lot for the last year or so? I just know i haven’t felt like writing. like i said, i just haven’t felt i’ve got much to share.
i think, in all honesty, at my core, i’ve been pretty unhappy these last 8 months or so, i couldn’t tell you why. i’ve just felt very detached from my life, almost left out of it (is that even possible? does anyone else ever feel like that or have i totally lost it). people i never imagined life without seem to be drifting away and i’m not quite sure how to reverse that.
i know i work too much – lots of people have told me that – but it’s just who i am. people tell me if i didn’t work so much then i’d not feel so distant. maybe they’re correct but i love being busy at work and feeling useful.
i’m sure people will read this and say they had no idea i’d felt like that… well that’s the beauty of social media. it’s made us a society of show offs – naturally we only post the great stuff, or the bad stuff that’s not really that bad but more funny. i’m so guilty of this. i bet you are too. no one wants a picture of me having a breakdown, questioning all my life decisions and wondering if i’ll be alone forever and if this is everything i have to look forward to… they want a picture of something fun and happy #blessed
anyway, look, i’m rambling.
i guess maybe this post is just me having a bit of a vent and testing the waters again. to see if i can still string a coherent sentence together and maybe the odd paragraph. how am i doing?