february, twenty eighteen

hiya pals,

how are you all? are you coping with this beast from the east? my hands are permanently cold, my hat is my new best friend and the thought of going anywhere without my slippers and a hot water bottle makes me want to cry but i, much like the rest of the nation, have soldiered on. the sun is coming, it has to!

how was your february?

mine went very quick, after the longest january on record, february went by extraordinarily fast, no?

so, without any further ado, let us crack on…

hero of the month

CELEBRITY: EMMA GONZALEZ

well she didn’t start the month famous, but that’s how it has ended. under the most awful circumstances too. Emma, and people like her all over the world, ARE THE FUTURE, and that makes me REALLY FUCKING EXCITED. when i was her age i was mostly confused about who i was and what i was going to do with my life, not calling out the leader of my country on their BS. i mean, please may i be like her when i grow up?

for any of you that have been hiding under a rock, the speech of the month is below… everyone say it with me WE CALL BS.

PERSONAL:

this is a bit of a weird one because i don’t know her name BUT my personal hero is one of my customers at work. she can be no more than 23/24 years old. she came into work to ask for some help with her pushchair and whilst i was helping her i asked how she was finding motherhood – her beaut of a little boy was only a few weeks old (and yes i got a cuddle!), she explained that, unfortunately she had caught her baby daddy cheating on her just after the baby was born. you know what she did? SHE KICKED HIM OUT. this is a woman who moved from east london to south to be with him and have a baby, knew no one in the new area she lives but still kicked him out, with no fear and now, she is being a badass single mum. for me, i was blown away by her strength – how many women could say that with a newborn, they’d do that? sure, we’d all like to think we’d do it, but would we actually? i’m not convinced. personal hero.

book of the month

HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON – WHAT HAPPENED

well, i actually can’t tell you because i am rubbish and have yet to finish it. oops. i now need to read two biographies this month to catch up with that new years resolution. also, sidenote, if you have any recommendations for biographys/ autobiographies please send them my way. i have another 10 months to fill.

soundtrack to the month

as predicted, ‘The Greatest Showman’ has stayed at the top of my most played this month but i am also really enjoying Rudimental ‘These Days’ – i adore the lyrics to the chorus. sometimes when im having a particularly good or bad day, i check myself and think to myself that some day in the future I will wish to come back to this time in my life and try to appreciate the moment.

bad joke of the month

what is forrest gumps password? 1forrest1

you’re welcome.

food of the month

i’m obsessed with popchips this month, the salt and vinegar ones – well, I can eat a family bag by myself in one sitting. so bad but so so good.

realisation of the month

this month i have realised that i forgive people too easily – is that a bad thing? maybe, maybe not. i let people flit in and out of my life, people who should really know better because they know me well enough to know that, even if i don’t say it, it hurts when they drop me again.

i’ve also realised i’m too old to play stupid bloody games now, say what you think. be honest. what’s the worst that can happen?

february

short but sweet. I spent a lot of time with the people who make my world go round this month. when my nephew says ‘kayla, come and look at my trains’ or jumps on the sofa for a cuddle, completely unprompted, my heart just melts. i enjoyed random act of kindness day, spreading some joy to my team, customers and colleagues. my fellow store managers are absolutely bloody angels, there are some real key players and it means so much that i can just pick up the phone to have a rant to people who understand, who know when to tell me im being too hard on myself. special shout out to Mrs Cheeseman because without her at the end of the phone i would have gone mad. i celebrated my nephew turning one. i made new friends. i tried to be more positive. i ran a lot. i made progress. i appreciated a boss who took time to ask if i was ok because i was quiet and it was unlike me. i missed my old boss. i wished i could do nothing but watch musicals on the west end forever more. i tried to let the little things go. i realised i’d rather be anything but ordinary. i realised that really, every thing is a beautiful accident. i realised some people really aren’t worth it. i made progress.

february, thanks.

here’s one second a day.

xoxo

M

january ‘18

it’s finally here! the end of the longest month the world has ever known… seriously, is it just me or has this month dragged out? ordinarily you blink and it’s half way through the month, this month you blinked and you’d gone back in time. sweet baby yoda.

anywhooo, how are we all? surviving? i’m plodding along as per.

i’ve been trying to decide whether to carry on sharing my random thoughts on this site, primarily because i generally feel like i’m talking to myself most of the time and whilst that is fine, i can just talk to myself out loud rather than writing it down – i do this frequently anyway so i would just be saving myself some time. as some of you know, last year i gave myself a goal to post once a week, which i did (go me), but writing wasn’t so much fun when i knew i had to publish it – i write mainly for myself, and most of my writing is for no ones eyes but my own. and to be fair, it probably wouldn’t make sense to anyone else – it barely makes sense to me. it has been really nice this month just writing for me again.

the conclusion to my uncertainty was this – yes, i do still want to write about my crap on here but not so frequently, i think once a month will suffice. in all honesty i don’t really have time to post more – my friend amy said to me this weekend “you are literally the hardest person in the world to pin down to see. you have to book in with you 6 months in advance, you tell us you have a day free, then we go away to see if we’re free and come back to you for you to say, sorry! made plans now with xyz person” – i didn’t actually realise this but its pretty accurate. soz mate. i’m actually thinking about starting a deposit scheme – pay me £50 to secure your requested date and you’ll get it back when i see you.

and then i got to thinking how my posts might look, so rather than me rambling on (like i have done thus far in this post) i’m just gonna give my month recap for those that care in a ‘…of the month’ format. i don’t know if any of that explanation really made sense but continue reading and hopefully it will…

hero of the month

celebrity: halsey

did you see her speech at the women’s march? i cannot tell you how many times i have watched it but i can tell you that every time i do watch it, i cry. it is so, so powerful.

i cannot tell you how many debates i have gotten into with people over the ‘times up’ / #metoo movement and the fact that only now a lot of women are coming forward “why has it taken them so long?” “they’re being too sensitive” “it was all just a joke back in my day”. in my view, people who say things like this are part of the problem. and in response i say because it’s scary to come forward when the men that are doing it hold power over you, physically and otherwise. these women are really brave for coming forward and publicly about something this sensitive. i say, it is not your place to tell them they are being too sensitive – we all have personal boundaries and we don’t like them being abused. i say, well if you were happy with bob from accounts slapping your ass, or grabbing you by the pussy at work and found it funny, great for you. i say, that yes, we need to teach girls to protect themselves because unfortunately that is the world we live in but what do we need to teach more than that? well, we need to teach people not to fucking rape – and i say people because i am well aware that females can be rapists too. this is not just a one-sided issue (although stats of reported rapes suggest that women are 7x more likely to be raped than a man is).

personal: my sister, melissa

she’ll probably roll her eyes at this but she definitely needs a shout out. after the longest time she has finally stood the fuck up for herself and is making some changes that are long overdue. she is a worrier and so i can only imagine her anxiety at these changes that are coming up for her BUT i think she is a fuckin superstar for putting herself first and for knowing that she deserves so much more than she’s currently getting. you go, sister!

book of the month

leah remini: troublemaker

i am obsessed with her and scientology. i find it so fascinating. she’s got gumption! i read her book super quickly, maybe it took me a week max. one of my goals this year is to learn about other people – i am aiming to read a new biography/autobiography each month and leah’s started me off. i’m now reading hillary clinton’s ‘what happened’.

soundtrack to the month

‘now that’s what i call country’

i am completely unashamed about my love for all things ‘country’. this month i have mainly been listening to this album.

the greatest showman: soundtrack

this one has slipped in at the last-minute because i refused to listen to the soundtrack until i saw the movie. i imagine this will be featured on all my posts until the end of the year.

bad joke of the month

(bad jokes are like crack to me, send me all of yours)

why did the banana go out with the prune? because he couldn’t find a date!

also, one i heard today,

“what’s the most common owl in britain?”

“the teat owl… as in the teatowel”

i laughed for a good 5 minutes.

food of the month

well, it’s not really ‘food’ but its a condiment. french mustard. it’s just the frickin best. its taken ketchup’s place at the top of my list and i am enjoying grossing everyone out by putting it nearly everything.

realisation of the month

this is where i try to sound all deep and intelligent.

this month i have really realised that people are bloody shit, but that they are also bloody brilliant. you can’t make people understand you because not everyone wants to or can be bothered to. and that’s ok. the ones that are worth it will stick around and try to understand, the ones that are worth it will make the effort. the rest of them can go fuck ’emselves.

my other realisation of the month is that i swear too much. starting tomorrow i’m going to try to change that. maybe.

january.

i spent a lot of my time at work, i worried about what my new boss thought of me and tried to build a good relationship with him. i let go a bit at work, i tried to remember that i can only do so much, that my team can only do so much. i tried to remember to say ‘thank you’ more. i tried to remember that you only get back as much as you put in. i gave my time and energy (and days off) to people and colleagues that i know appreciate it and deserve my time. i stayed away from those that do not. i said no more. that word is revolutionary, i tell ya! i smiled. i cried. i laid foundations for moments to come. i sung. i danced. i had busy but good month. i tried.

AND i even managed to record a second a day.

january, the longest month ever on record, you were alright.