Trust.

 

Listening to: Kelly Clarkson ‘Breakaway’ (what a banger of an album)

 

 Hi friends,

This week I have a question to ask you.

Can you still be friends with someone who you don’t trust?

You’ve probably heard the saying (or a version of it) that trust is like a mirror, once it is shattered it can be put back together but never truly repaired. Side note: I think my favourite version is Gaga in her ‘Telephone’ video –

 Screen Shot 2017-11-07 at 20.54.03

 

The only problem I have with that explanation of trust/ broken trust is that it’s always led me to believe that, and expect that, my trust would always be shattered in a big way. Like the person would pick up our shared mirror and smash it like a plate at Greek wedding but that isn’t always what happens. Sometimes it’s little chips over time until one of these chips is so big that it causes a ripple effect and you find yourself unable to see your reflection in the mirror, or be able to trust the person who’s mirror it is.

Part of being friends with someone is being able to rely on each other; to trust them. You should know whole heartedly that they won’t run off and tell someone what you said, they should know you enough to know the things that shouldn’t be shared. You should be able to know that some things are only shared between you; some things aren’t meant to be shared. What is possibly even worse than sharing private thoughts and feelings is sharing thoughts and feelings with a twist – sharing a fabricated, sometimes exaggerated, version of the truth. You shouldn’t have to watch what you say to your friends, you shouldn’t have to have your guard up. Should you?

How can you be friends with someone you can’t trust?

Are we, or rather am I, too quick to call people my ‘friend’?

A couple of years ago someone who I definitely do trust called me out on how much I use the word ‘love’. I didn’t ever ‘like’ it, I always ‘loved’ it. It was a great observation, and made me realise that I DID use the word ‘love’ too much. Perhaps the same could be said of the word ‘friend’, perhaps I use it too freely, perhaps I use it too much, or too quickly.

Perhaps the word ‘friend’, like the word ‘love’, should be used sparingly.

xoxo

M

reflections on a younger self. 

last night i found myself looking through my old journals and diaries. i don’t know why but as i was placing a book on my bookshelf i saw them and decided to pull some out and relive what i’d lived. 

a lot of the entries are not dated so i don’t know the last time i wrote in them – i can only guess it was around this time 2 years ago because of what i’d written about in them, certain incidents in my life that happened then are the focus of my last scribbles.

what i do know reading them is that i’ve changed. i can see the change in myself through the words on the page. is that weird? life is the strangest thing – we don’t see that we’re moving forward day to day but when we look back so much has changed. so much has happened. 

i like this person i’m becoming.

even on the days when i can’t see through the fog, even on the days when i want the world to go away. i like the person i am becoming. 

i look back at my old entries and feel what i felt back then but i am also able to see it differently. i can see the heart and heartbreak i felt over the boy who didn’t love me enough to not hurt me, the boy i would have moved across oceans for had he asked me again and not only see my pain, but also his. who am i to say he didn’t love me enough just because he didn’t love me the way i wanted him to love me. i can see the good in that goodbye.

i read back through the confusion and see that i have gained clarity, not in everything, but in some things. and for now that is enough.

i look at the old entries and see someone who was fighting against herself but couldn’t see that’s what she was doing. who thought that emotions were a sign of weakness (especially the sad ones). i was so proud of being so guarded and so unfeeling to the world. i was so proud of never having shared my true self with anyone. 

i thought that made me strong.

in actual fact i think now it showed my weakness, my insecurity. the ability to feel, to show emotions – the good and the bad – is part of what makes us so wonderfully human. you can’t shut it out, you can’t shut yourself off from it. you can try, but it will catch  up with you eventually. everything you run from always does.

i know more about me now.

what i want

where i want to go

life makes it hard to remember those things  sometimes but that’s why i write. it reminds me who i am and what i want. it focuses me when i need direction. when i need to get stuff off my chest. when i need a friend. there’s always a piece of paper and a pen around, no matter what time of the day it is. 

when i get lost i can pick those friends up and draw myself a map back home. 

xoxo

micks.

pictures of me from 2008 to the present day. there is one every year from 2008 doing various things with various people. the only year missing is 2016 because it wouldn’t fit!

i am me.

Where I am: HOME

What I’m listening to: Acoustic Room playlist on Spotify.

 

Morning,

 I just wanted to start this by saying a big thank you. After my last post I received an influx of messages from various people telling me I was definitely ‘enough’ already. I know I can be my own worst enemy, I’m learning new things about myself everyday and I am learning to be OK with who I am – it’s something we work on everyday.

So to the following…

Julie, Gel, Nat, Briana, Mary Jane, Laura, Momma Sophs, Mr AND Mrs Taylor (who messaged me separately), Tom, Auntie P, Katie, Dalbs (Well done for not cutting anyone), Maureen, Michelle, Sammy, Dina, Mama Sewell, My sisters, Donna and everyone else… BIG LOVE. Thank you.

Also thank you to Megan – I’m so glad you understood what I meant, you made me feel less crazy about it!

 

I honestly didn’t expect the reaction I got, I was just simply sharing my thoughts as I always do.

 

Today is a new day. Today I am ok. Today I am ok with who I am.

 

Someone recently told me they think I am ‘authentic’ – for me that is a huge compliment; I strive to be a lot of things and authentic is one of them.

I am me. I am not perfect. I have my chaos. I am emotional. I cry over stupid things. I get angry. I withdraw into myself. I doubt myself. I love people but hate them as well. I love to laugh. If you’re important to me I will tell you. I can be moody. I sometimes need a hug or a pat on the head. I am loyal – probably blindly. I am an all -or – nothing type girl. I need looking after. I will never forget how you made me feel. I will always listen and try and help where I can. Music is my therapy. I am sarcastic. I am scatty. I love learning about people. I need reassurance from time to time. I can be insecure. I am sunshine and showers. I am a million and one different things; I can only hope to be good enough for you.

If I am not, there isn’t much I can do about it.

This is me.

Are you in? If you are, great.

If you’re not, that’s ok too.

I’ll miss you though.

 

xoxo Micks

 

how can I become less? 

Where I am: in bed, Montrose CA feeling like absolute rubbish (in case you wondered) 

What I’m listening to: La La Land is on in the background.

It’s my last night in CA until who knows when, I’ve had a ball these last couple weeks with one on my best friends (I apologise to my snapchat friends for the snaps you’ve had to endure). In my quieter moments on this trip, I’ve been thinking about stuff. In my quieter moments I’ve definitely been overthinking stuff. I’ve been thinking about myself and my behaviours, my character. 

Over the last few years I have been told that I am ‘a lot to handle’; that I am ‘too much’. Not just by one person, once. There have been a few different people on a few different occasions. Every time I’m told that it seems to stick in my memory more.

I’m not quite sure what they meant when they said it. I have never known whether to take it as a compliment or an insult; I tend to lean towards the latter.

“Too much” isn’t something that’s normally associated with positives, is it? Too much by definition is “an intolerable, implausible or exhausting situation or experience” (Google)  Not something I’d like to be known as really.

So my question is how do I make myself less? Is it possible to make myself just enough, just the right amount? Do I make myself smaller? My voice? My attitude? Do I have less opinions? Should I be quieter? Or laugh less? 

If you have the answers please let me know.

I don’t want to be ‘too much’. I’d like to be enough. 

xoxo Micks  

The one where I talk about toxic thinking. 

Now before I finish this post, I’d just like to say I am not posting this for any kind of validation. I am not posting this so people can say ‘oh, Michaela you’re so great’ I’m posting this because this is genuinely how I feel and it is where my head is at 75% of the time.

I have, historically, struggled to open up about how I feel. My mum is constantly telling me how guarded I am, how closed off I am. When I started writing I started writing for me and then when I started to share some of that with the world I said that I would do my best to share not just the light hearted stuff but also the stuff that makes me feel uncomfortable, the stuff that people might read and say “WTF is wrong with her?”  

This is one of those posts and it is triggered by a couple of things that have been said to me in the last couple of weeks. 

The first was that I am, what is known as, a toxic thinker. I was talking to my boss about some stuff and this phrase came up. It’s really stuck with me. 

The second was that the world owes me some happiness. One of my friends said that to me; that I work really fucking hard, that Karma was the world’s energy and that when you are a nice person and always put everyone else first then yes karma should give you something back. 

I batted this back, naturally, by saying the world doesn’t owe me anything. I do believe this to be true, the world was here first. I’m lucky to just be living on it. 

I then thought back to the conversation about ‘toxic thinking’ and realised this reaction to someone saying something (that was actually really fucking nice) was proving the point. The thing is, until now I’d never thought of it as being a detriment to my own mental health and self worth. I never thought that me thinking that I didn’t deserve any kind of goodness wasn’t normal. I figured most people would react the same way as me if asked. Who knew I could be so dense? 

I was also so focused on wanting to be the best for other people, for wanting to cheerlead them in their lives that I always felt uncomfortable with people doing that for me. 

I never felt that I deserved anything that was out of this world in ways of praise, relationships, or love. People would tell me I deserved the best and I’d laugh. I never felt entitled. I have always viewed myself as mediocre at best.

“We often judge worthiness on what people contribute, and if you haven’t done much that is considered ‘valuable’ by society’s standards, you may not feel very worthy of any sort of rewards. You see how many people just get by, or live terrible lives, and you think what is so special about you..why do you deserve to get everything you want” – livelifemadetoorder.com

The standards I set myself are sooooo high and I might not meet them all the time. I can’t be the best at everything I do, I just need to learn to take the victories where I can. 

I need to remember that me having to bail on a friend doesn’t make me not worthy of their friendship. I need to remember that me not being able to split myself in 6 or achieve everything I want to at work doesn’t make me a bad manager (I am notorious for wanting everything done yesterday)

How can I have the life that I want if I don’t think I deserve it? The short answer is I can’t. Only I can change my perception of myself and in turn change my perception of what I think I deserve.

Is gonna be easy to change my thinking? I doubt it but I’ll give it a go.

Here’s to less toxic thoughts and more self love ❤️ 

Peace ✌🏼 

xoxo Micks 

I been runnin’

What I am listening to – Jack Garrett ‘Water’ and ‘Follow the sun’ by Caroline Pennell are currently on a loop.

HI FRIENDS,

I am currently sat in my bed, I’ve been here all-day, sleeping and thinking on and off. A rare day off when I have no plans I wasn’t really going to do much more. I have just had food shoved down my throat, as I hadn’t eaten all day today and most of yesterday and have just finished watching ‘To The Bone’ on Netflix.

The weather had also added to my want to not leave my house. You gotta love the great British summer. I feel I may be one of the weird ones though, I quite enjoy a heavy downpour; I find watching the rain calming.

Today I am thinking about running. Not as in the physical act of running – which I have not done for months (must.try.harder) and has contributed to my turning into a bigger lard than ever – but the running away we do in day-to-day life. Do you run away from stuff? I know I do, all the time. From people and problems. Uncomfortable situations. Embarrassing ones. It’s easier to be alone, it’s easier to keep to yourself. It’s easier to ignore things. It’s easier, but probably not particularly healthy.

I mean, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realise that running away and avoidance doesn’t help anyone or anything. Running away is an escape mechanism we use because we think we’re protecting ourselves.

 

“Ignorance is bliss”

 

but is it?

The issue you’re avoiding will still be there until you deal with it. If you’re really lucky, like me, it will sit in your subconscious and you’ll dream about it. We end up backing ourselves into a corner until we have no choice but to deal with it. How many people do you know that are in relationships not because they’re in love with each other anymore but because it’s easier to stay as they are? It’s comfortable so why rock the boat? How many of us stay in jobs we hate because the fear of failing at what we really want to do is too embarrassing?

I guess what I’m trying to say, and remind myself, is that until we acknowledge what we’re running from, until we muster up the courage to deal with what we’re running from it isn’t going to go away. It will just be a continuous circle in our lives. Similar situations will crop up, we’ll think and feel the same things over, over, over and over again until the day we decide enough is enough. We need to consciously decide to break the habit.

Facing these issues, these fears will help us grow as people. It may not be comfortable, it may be scary but it is essential. We can’t keep running from our pain and hope that when we stop and look over our shoulders it will be gone.

I’m not saying that I have the answers to finding this bravery, I just know I need to find it. So if you have the answers, send them my way.

 

Cheers all the best,

 

Micks xoxo

 

You can’t run away from your problems. They will just chase you and get bigger and bigger. If you stand and face them, they will shrivel and disappear.” -W.H. Fordham

What would you do?

Location: Starbucks con iced Americano

Listening to: Little Big Town – Better Man

 

Week 4. I’m late with this one but I have spent the majority of the last week laying in bed and thinking about what I have done, so forgive me. No regrets though. I have realised that I am definitely bad at being unemployed and that I need something to get out of bed for besides to make my next cup of tea (or coffee, I blame Gilmore Girls for that). I have pulled my butt out of, not just my bed but also, my HOUSE. I KNOW. ALL THE HIGH FIVES AND GOLD STARS FOR ME. I’m out in the world for realsies. How did that happen? I made it to my local Starbucks (oh hai all my fellow basics) to interact with the human race and write.

screen-shot-2017-01-30-at-22-38-30

YAY ME.

So, today’s topic is one that I have toyed with writing about for a little while now. It is a bit of sensitive subject but one that is very relevant to me right now. I have bent a lot of people’s ears about this topic to help me decide what to do. This woman is definitely not an island.

 

 

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU DON’T LIKE YOUR FRIEND’S BOYFRIEND/ GIRLFRIEND?

 

Seriously? It is such a tricky situation to be in. I like the other half; I just don’t like them for my friend. Now, disclaimer, I may be completely biased in what I am about to write BUT I think that all my friends are beautiful gems that deserve the world so this post comes from a good place. Regardless of my personal relationships, everyone deserves a relationship in which they are put first most of the time. Or so I think. Why would you be in a relationship with someone who puts you second, even third on his or her list of priorities? Taking my princess crown off and taking a shot of reality, I understand that no one is anyone’s number 1 100% of the time because…well… life. Things get in the way, work becomes stressful and needs more energy, family and friends demand attention too but overall your significant other should be your number one, no? (Until you have kids and then you’re eternally bumped to number 2 but that’s how it should be, don’t you think?) I struggle being around one person 24/7 so it’s definitely not about having your S/O there for you at the drop of a hat, we all need our own lives so we don’t wind up feeling suffocated and isolated. It is about factoring your S/O into your decision-making, about doing things that THEY want to do too so they feel valued. Spending time with THEIR family and THEIR friends too because it’s not just you anymore.

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I have had conversations with both real life friends, online friends (HELLO LADYGANGERS) and as of an hour ago, complete strangers. From my discussions it is a more common situation than I’d first thought and, like most things, everyone has an opinion on what to do.

MY biggest problem is keeping my mouth shut – as my darling Momma Sophs said to me a couple of weeks ago “The thing I like the most about Michaela…. What you see is what you get. She doesn’t bullshit you, she’s the one to go to when you need tough love in a nice way”

“Sometimes my greatest achievement is keeping my mouth shut”

I’d say that’s a pretty accurate statement – I like to think I tell people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. My current dilemma is this – when this friend comes to me with relationship gripes, do I make it known how I feel? Do I tell her that I think her other half doesn’t value her, do I tell her that she seems to be doing all the giving and none of the taking? Do I have the right to do that as her friend? Or do I keep my big hooter out? I understand being an outsider that I will never know 100% what their relationship is like – I’m not in it, I do not know what goes on behind closed doors – but I have seen them together enough, heard enough stories (both good and bad) to create my own opinion. Is it my place to say that, whilst I think she is happy, I think she could be happier?

 

I don’t pretend to be an expert on relationships – Lord knows I have been single since before the war and can only seem to attract men that are already in relationships these days, but that’s another story for another day – but one thing this time being a single pringle has allowed me is to evaluate (ok, judge) other people and their relationships and what I WANT and NEED from my future relationship(s). I have watched friends fall in and out of toxic relationships, seen them happily plod along with something because it was better than being alone. I’ve seen friends settle because they were too scared to go after something better.

 

The general consensus from my advice seeking about what to do in this dilemma has been to keep my mouth shut because it could shake the foundations of our friendship and leave it un-repairable – let her make her own mistakes, it’s her life to live. If she decides that this is what she wants you need to respect that. He has never been abusive to her; she says she is happy so leave it. It just hurts my heart to watch someone so incredible, who means so much to me, give so much of herself to someone who doesn’t seem to give AF about her in the way she does about them. It really hurts my heart.

Like I say, this person is not a bad person, I can hang out with them quite easily, I just have my doubts on their intentions and their behaviours.

 

What would you do in my situation? HELP ME.

 

XOXO

 

Micks

26 lessons for 26

Happy Birthday to my blog! It’s officially 2 years old (at least it will be in a couple of weeks) How weird is that? 2 years ago when I was on me holidays in Italy and one of my favourite people in the world convinced to put my musings out in the world and 2 years later here we are. If I am not mistaken I do believe some of you enjoy them too.

Although my blog is still very much in its infancy – the terrible twos start now – I am, shall we say, no longer in my infancy. Be kind of weird if I was, wouldn’t it. A two year old having these kinds of thoughts, tres strange. I am, gulp, now a couple weeks away from being classed as in my late twenties. It’s a long road to acceptance but my therapist assures me that I’ll get there, I just need to stay drunk and I’ll be fine. There is a theme in my writing, very soul search-y (search-y is a real word, promise) because I’m always tryna figure life out, and I like to share my lessons learnt with y’all in the hopes you learn from me and maybe just feel a little bit better about yourselves and any decisions you may have made.

So off the back of that, here are my 26 lessons for 26.

  1. Disney really is the happiest place on earth

 

No surprises here. I’ve been twice in one year. I’d move in tomorrow if they’d let me. I fell in love with the guy who played Peter Pan on my first trip. If only for the reason that, after asking me about my necklace and me saying I stole it (it was my name necklace, and no I don’t know why I said it and yes my friends still rip me for it now) he didn’t bat an eyelid and asked if I stole from Skull Rock – he encouraged the crazy. What a guy. You cannot go to Disney and not get swept up in the fairytale. Life is rosy for your stay. Even if it’s only one day.

 

 

 

  1. Love is rarely the fairytale you think it will be, it’s time to take off the Disney tinted glasses

 

This is something someone said to me a couple of months ago and it’s really stuck with me. I think it’s because I’d never imagined that this particular person, who knows me pretty well, would ever get me confused with someone who thinks like this. I know love isn’t perfect; nothing is, but love especially. For as long as I can remember I have never been the type of girl to dream about dressing in white. I admire those that get married and fall in love with no inhibitions – I think they are brave above everything. They are brave enough to take a chance on something that isn’t guaranteed; because we all know that happily ever after isn’t a thing. They are brave enough to leap, and chose someone else above everyone else, knowing how messy it could end up. Despite it being legally binding be it through marriage or living together and buying a property together. There is no get out of jail free card with either of those. I guess they just figure they’d rather argue with their SO than be making love with anyone else. I don’t feel that’s Disney tinted glasses – I feel that’s real life.

 

 

  1. The right people will encourage your crazy and not make you feel like you have to hide it

 

The older I get the more comfortable I get in my own skin. I am told I’m odd at least once a day, if not more. You know what, I’m ok with that. I am a bit odd (aren’t we all?) and I’m learning to surround myself with the people I can be 100% around at all times, rather than being that awkward quiet girl in the corner who doesn’t really speak. The right people, the forever people, will encourage the crazy, not make you feel like you have to hide it. My best friends know that I will randomly burst into song and dance in the middle of the street, they know that I talk to myself more than the average person, they know that I will randomly switch up my accent in the middle of a conversation but rather than pull a face and tell me to stop, they join in.

 

  1. Trust your gut, it knows more than you think

 

Let me just put this out there. YOUR GUT INSTINCT IS A REAL THING. Sure, sometimes it’s wrong but 95% of the time my gut instinct has steered me right. On the occasions I haven’t followed my gut and it’s then been right I spend a ridiculous amount of time saying to myself and other people and even random strangers on the train “I knew it, I knew it, why didn’t I listen to myself? WHY GOD, WHY” Follow your gut, it knows more than you think.

 

  1. Don’t waste people’s times or emotions.

 

Period. Don’t lead people on. Don’t waste their time. Don’t let them get in so deep that it hurts to say goodbye – that it hurts to pull away. Don’t tell people your thoughts about ‘could be’ unless you are sure, or you’re willing to take a risk and change your life. If you like your life as it is, then just don’t say anything. Keep schtum. It’s kinder to everyone.

 

 

  1. I can be a bit of an askhole.

 

Hands up if you’re an askhole… don’t lie there are more than that. An askhole is someone who asks for your advice and then does the opposite anyway. I can be that person. For that I am sorry. I’ll try harder.

 

  1. You can’t plan everything – life will throw forks in your road. It’s up to you which road you take

 

The best-laid plans rarely go without bumps and forks in the road. Life changes too quickly for you to be able to plan every small detail (no matter how much we’d like to). Life can flip 180 in a matter of hours, let alone days. All you can do is have an end game and try and be flexible in how you achieve it. If you really want it, you’ll get there. It just might not be in the way you’d originally thought you’d get there.

 

 

  1. It’s ok to postpone plans for yourself. It’s not ok to postpone plans for other people, especially boys.

 

Something my life coach said to me this year. Just thought I’d share because I think it’s great advice. You can’t wait around for people to get their shit together.

Do you.

 

  1. Sometimes you have to take life by the horns, stand up and say ‘this is what I want’

 

No one got what he or she wanted by sitting there quietly and praying for it. You gotta stand up and be counted. You need to put the work in; you need to put yourself out there. Of course there is every chance you might not get what you want, but at least you tried. There’ll be no regret and no what if’s. Just an ‘I was bold and honest and did what I could to make it happen’. Definitely better than a ‘what if’

 

  1. If someone wants to be with you, they will. End of story.

 

At this point half my friends are happily in relationships, they other half are single. The one thing the partnered up people always say to us singletons – if someone wants to be with you, they will be. It’s really that simple. Don’t read into the messages, don’t ask how high when he says jump – it’s a two-way street. The effort can’t be one sided, it can’t be one person calling and texting all the time; it can’t be one person always going to see the other. It needs to be a balance. If it’s not, they just aren’t interested. Simples.

 

 

 

  1. How people treat you says more about them than it does you

 

If someone treats you like shit and you feel you’ve done nothing to deserve it (most of us have been there) please believe me when I say it has more to do with them than you. It’s not a hidden fact that people tread on those that they are jealous of or feel threatened by. Try not to let their insecurity in themself get to you. Just smile and walk away. Then call them a twat under your breath because, hey, we’re not perfect and sometimes it just pisses you off.

 

 

  1. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

 

Once you’ve figured out which they are, you’ll know what to do.

 

 

“When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realise is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life”

 

They worded it better than I ever could.

 

  1. Don’t be so hard on yourself – everyone else is winging it too

 

Big ting for me, I judge myself very harshly. Social media makes it so easy to be hard on yourself but don’t judge your hustle against someone else’s highlight reel. Everyone else is making it up too. No one is perfect, we all fuck up from time to time, and we all get things wrong. We are all human. Just because they look like they got their shit together, doesn’t mean they do. We all edit our lives and ourselves. Remember that.

 

  1. Honesty isn’t always the best policy

 

Sometimes a little white lie to protect feelings is a good thing. Trust me.

 

 

  1. Going out on a Saturday night is rarely as fun as it seems.

 

I enjoy a good night out as much as the next person but being honest, most nights I’d rather go for dinner and drinks and then go home. There is no shame in being in bed by midnight on a Saturday. My bed is one of my favourite places to be.

 

  1. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.

 

Just because your life expectancy should be 85 doesn’t mean it will be. It’s the average for a reason. I recently lost someone who I thought of as family and when I got that phone call to tell me he had died, the thing that kept running through my head was “he had so much life left to live, how is this possible. He was only 28”. I know it’s easy to say but don’t take your life for granted, don’t just exist. Live.

 

  1. The outdoors is a great place to be.

 

I’ve been told that I live in the country – now I don’t believe I do (there are no tractors for a start) but I do know there are some banging parks and gardens to visit in close proximity to where I live. Being outdoors is one of my simplest pleasures. I enjoy a good walk around the park, or the fields at the back of my house. By myself or with others. I’m not fussy. Earth is pretty stunning when you actually take time to look at it and appreciate it.

 

 

  1. Becoming friends with my parents and sisters is one of the best things I have ever done.

 

 

Hand on heart this is the truth. Maybe I am one of the lucky ones who actually enjoy spending time with their immediate family? All I know is that when I was younger it could sometimes be a bit of a chore spending time with them, it was a case of having to spend time with them, not wanting to. Now, I will happily choose to spend the day with them because I actually like them for the people they are. Some people that I speak to seem to view their families in a different way to their friends – they almost expect their mums, dads and siblings to never make mistakes and think the same way they do and never challenge them and then when they fall short of their high expectations they seem surprised. My parents and siblings are only human and sure they still do me crust in from time to time but I know that, even if they weren’t family, I’d still choose them. Aren’t they lucky?

 

  1. Just because I’m not considered a girly-girl or particularly feminine doesn’t make me any less of a lady.

 

Beauty standards are bullshit. You don’t need to conform to the stereotype that all women have to wear dresses and high heels 24-7, you don’t have to have perfect make up. I am more of a jean and t-shirt kinda girl and it’s a miracle if I manage to leave the house having brushed my hair most days. If you’re into the highly made up look, go for it. If you’d rather sleep an extra 20 minutes and go out the house bare faced, rock it. The only beauty standards we conform to are the ones we put on ourselves. I have a vagina and that is enough to make me a lady.

 

  1. I’m too lazy to be crazy

 

 

Just what it says. I’m too lazy to be crazy. I don’t have time for the bullshit drama that so many people get caught up in. Thanks to the LadyGang for bringing this phrase into my life.

 

 

  1. The world doesn’t owe you a thing

I’m sure I’ve said this before and I’m sure I’ll say it again. The world owes you nada. It was here first. If you want something, if you want a change only you can make it happen. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

 

  1. It’s ok to spoil yourself.

 

Sometimes the world is shit and you just need an extra glass of vino at dinner. Some days are draining and you need to eat the chocolate bar. Sometimes you get your heart broken and need to splash out on that girls holiday or that stupidly expensive pair of shoes. It’s ok to spoil yourself once in a while, you work hard for it and sometimes we all need that instant gratification to turn a crappy day into a not so crappy one.

 

  1. Take a lot of pictures.

 

One day you’ll be glad you did.

 

 

  1. First impressions are not always right

I can’t tell you the amount of times that I have met someone and not been sure on them or not been fussed by them. Second impressions are a much better I think. A lot of people are shy or awkward the first time they meet people – the second everything is a bit more comfortable.

The best example I have of this is when I first met one of my best friends. I was actually interviewing her for a job and my first impression was too shy, too quiet to work where we are. My boss at the time told me to give her a chance, which I did, and she turned out to be one of the best workers I ever hired. We have both since moved on from the place we worked together but have become best pals. She’s a genuine little flower and I love her. Also, she’s definitely not quiet or shy. In fact most days I can’t get her to shut up!

 

 

  1. Don’t wash your hair everyday.

It’s not good for your hair. Your hair will look and feel better if you leave it a little longer. It’s also easier to style when it’s not so clean.

  1. Do nice things for strangers

The last one on the list but possibly the most important; it costs nothing to be nice. Give that pregnant lady your seat on the train, help that old dude cross the street, ask that person in the coffee shop that is crying if they are ok. Talk someone through his or her panic attack; distract someone who hates flying on your flight. What do you have to lose? Nothing. The person on the receiving end leaves with a smile and their faith in humanity restored and you feel all the tingles from bringing someone a small drop of happiness. Win-win, bro. Win – win.

So there we have it.

26 lessons for 26.

I’m out.

xoxo

Micks

50 things to do when you’re sad

‘Pursuit of Happiness’ by Kid CuDi is, quite possibly, my favourite song in the whole entire universe (listen here). ‘Happiness’ is what we are all on the pursuit on, whether we know it or not. Sometimes, we hit bumps in the road, because as Kid CuDi sings “everything that shines ain’t always gonna be gold”. Some days really, well, they really suck balls. We’ve all had those days where we get home, look in the mirror and think, “well today was a COMPLETE waste of make-up).

I can hear you asking “What do you do to cheer yourself up when you’ve had this kind of day? What can possibly cure you of ‘Ihadashitday syndrome?” Funny you should ask…

Here are 50 ways to cheer yourself up.
DISCLAIMER: If these don’t work it’s not my fault, they are proven to work for me and a select sample of individuals (aka my family and friends).

  1. Sometimes you just need to get it out. So cry.
  2. Have a nice cup of tea. There are very few things a cup of tea can’t solve. If you’re putting the kettle on make me one too (milk, no sugar). Cheers.
  3. Eat something. Anything that makes you feel better. Fuck the calorie/fat content. I would suggest eating Peanut Butter straight from the jar, it always works for me
  4. Remind yourself that if Britney Spears can survive 2007, you can survive today.
  5. Watch this and remember. You matter.
  6. Lie on your bed and listen to the rain (if it isn’t raining outside, go to rainymood.com – it’s my new favourite website)
  7. Roll down a hill
  8. Get sweaty. In whatever way takes your fancy. Exercise = endorphins = happy happy.
  9. Know that on one of my school reports my teacher told my parents I was thick. Quote ‘Michaela lacks the mental capacity’ unquote
  10. Watch a Disney movie. Sing a Disney song. Disney makes life better. I’d choose ‘Aladdin’ – Robin Williams as the Genie, best cast choice ever – and ‘When will my life begin’ from Tangled.
  11. Do what I said for number 10 but replace Disney with Christmas. My film would be either ‘White Christmas’ (just because of this scene) or ‘Muppet’s Christmas Carol’. The song would be all of them. I LOVE CHRISTMAS
  12. Spend an hour on ted.com listening to inspiring, thought-provoking talks. I adore Sarah Kay’s ‘If I should have a daughter…’
  13. Listen to your favourite album from start to finish. Music is the cure for most things.
  14. Google Earth Stalk that one place you always wanted to go.
  15. Jump on the bed – it’s still fun no matter your age.
  16. Be around children. Their innocence is endearing, they are the better than any type of anti-depressant going. The same applies to animals.
  17. Watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. If you have never watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S this is probably why you’re sad.
  18. Write a letter to the person that upset you. Or write the universe. Get it all out. Don’t worry about grammar and spelling, just get it out. Word vomit on that page. Then rip it up. Throw it in the bin. It’s gone. So is your anger and sadness.
  19. Call your best friend.
  20. Call your mum or that ‘mother-like’ figure you have in your life. Everything they tell you is pretty much true.
  21. Ladies, Shave your legs and wash your sheets. Then get in bed and try to be sad. Try. Yeah. It’s impossible. Lads, you’re welcome to try it.
  22. Get nostalgic. Look through old photos. Remember the good times.
  23. Do your hair/make-up. Who cares if you have nowhere to go. It’s fun to glam up!
  24. Scream into a pillow. Or just scream. You know, whatever works for you.
  25. Email me, I’ll try and cheer you up. (michaelawright89@hotmail.co.uk) I didn’t win an award for being ‘the best shoulder to cry on’ at school for no reason, you know.
  26. Write your bucket list out. Get lost in your dreams.
  27. Go shopping. Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.
  28. Eat Mexican food and drink margaritas. You can’t eat tacos and be sad. It is simply impossible. (this might only work if Mexican food and tequila are your number one food/alcohol choices).
  29. Watch ’50 shades of Grey’. Appreciate the perfect form of Jamie Dornan and laugh at how bad the movie actually is.
  30. Look out the window. Imagine being blind and not being able to see what you see.
  31. Look in the mirror and say out loud “I am enough”. Repeat until you believe it.
  32. Remind yourself of this…Screen shot 2015-07-23 at 21.13.26
  33. Know that when I was at university I got so drunk once that I threw up on my door. Then next morning I was hung over and had to clean it up. Be glad it wasn’t you.
  34. Create a playlist/ make a mix tape of your favourite songs from your teen years. Play it loud and sing along. Try and remember the old dance moves. I bet you still know some of them.
  35. Remember that tough times don’t last, but tough people do.
  36. Draw/paint. On paper or yourself. Whichever takes your fancy.
  37. Go for a walk, be outside and just breathe. Inhale deeply.
  38. Whilst on said walk go to the park and feed the ducks. You have food, therefore you are their God.
  39. Bake a cake. Lick the spoon. And bowl.
  40. Some of the best days of your life haven’t happened yet. How cool is that?
  41. Penguins. Look at pictures of them. Watch videos of them. Watch Happy Feet. No animal will give you more joy than penguins. Promise.
  42. Bubbles. Bath. Facemask. It’s a no brainer.
  43. Think of 5 things you like about yourself. Write them down. Tape it to your mirror. If you can’t think of 5 things, ask your nearest and dearest for 5 things they like about you. Tape THEM to your mirror.
  44. Hard boil eggs. Throw them at the wall. This is best done outside. It has the same effect as plates but doesn’t cost you as much, and is less messy.
  45. Take a nap
  46. Do something nice for someone else – you can’t sprinkle a little happiness around without getting some on yourself.
  47. Remember that it never gets easier, you just get better.
  48. Nighttime – drive somewhere quiet. Lie under the stars.
  49. Read ‘Rockettes, Rockstars and Rockbottom’ by Keltie Colleen. It will prove to you that you will survive.
  50. Remember, I love you. Also, remember this

Screen shot 2015-07-23 at 19.24.29

You’re welcome.

Xoxo

Micks

p.s what would you add?

p.p.s I was inspired to write this list after reading this

An Open Letter to my Nephews

Dear Mason- James and Oscar,

Firstly, thank you for being you. When you were both born I cried, tears of happiness and of disbelief. Disbelief that these tiny little bubbas, all 7lb 12oz (M-J) and all 8lb 8oz (Oscar), were finally here. After what seemed like months for me – I can only imagine what it felt like for your mum and dad – you were finally here. Ask me now, and I would bet my left leg that I can remember exactly where I was when I got the message to say you had arrived, I can remember where I was when I received the first picture of you. I can tell you now that you instantly became my wallpaper and screensaver on my iPhone, iPad and MacBook. There was not one person that wasn’t thrilled by your arrival. I can promise you that. Even though I don’t know what age you’ll read this letter I can tell you both now that you have brought so much joy to everyone that has come in to contact with you in your lives. At the age of 26 I can confidently say you are the two best things in my life. Nothing else, no one else, comes close.

Secondly, the reason I am writing this letter to you now (Oscar you are 3y 9m and Mason-James you are 3 ½ days old) is because I want to tell what I have learnt about being young, whilst I’m still going through it. So I’m not telling you (or lecturing, you as you may see it – that’s if you take after me of course) when I’m twice the age I am now (gulp) and you think that I have no clue what I’m harping on about because, after all, there is no way Auntie KayKay was ever young is there!?!?!

So, what do I want you to know?

Please remember that you are loved. No matter what else you believe to be true nothing is truer than this. Yes, mum and dad might be super uncool because when you were 15 they wouldn’t let you stay out all night, or let your girlfriend/boyfriend stay over, they might not know what the number one song is in the chart, but they love you. They are your parents and they deserve to be treated with respect. So hold your tongue. They might not let you get away with everything you’d like to but that in itself is showing you they love you. They are teaching you boundaries and respect for both yourself and others. Remember that showing their love doesn’t always come in massive gestures. When mum asks you if you ate today, or dad tells you to take a jacket out because it’s cold – that is them showing they love you. If they didn’t love you they wouldn’t care if you starved or froze to death. You want to know if someone really loves you look at the little things, not the grand gestures. Also remember that your mum and dad are doing the best they can, with what they have. You might not get what you want but I can tell you now both your mums and dads would go without to make damn sure you’ve got what you need. Do not take them for granted.

To teenage you, get over yourself. Contrary to what you believe, the world does not revolve around you. You are the centre of someone’s world, but not of everyone’s world. You need to remember this. If you forget I am quite happy to bring you down a peg or two.

Some people just won’t like you. AND THAT’S OK. There will be more people who like you than don’t (unless you’re a real asshole, but as you’re my nephews, this will be physically impossible).

The people you go to school with are rarely your forever. As they are all you’ve known, you will think they are. In the majority of cases, for most people, they aren’t. ALL of my best friends I met either through university or work. Unless you are one of the rare ones, you will have this weird period of your life when you are 16/17/18. You won’t know what it is that feels off, but something will. At this point in my career I have employed a LOT of young people who are at ‘school leaver’ age and every year I see them go through it. Don’t be too hard on yourself; you are going through a lot right now. The security blanket of school is about to be taken from around you (no matter how much you may or may not hate it, you will miss the security, the routine). The people you have seen near enough everyday for most of the last – at least – 5 years will suddenly not be there everyday. You will think that it is the worst thing in the world. I promise you, it’s not. Trust the uncertainty. This is just the beginning. Life is about to become SO much more than you thought it could be.

The world is so much bigger than this town. Please travel. If you can only promise me one thing, promise me this. It doesn’t have to be for 10 years with a backpack. It can be weekend getaways; it can be a 2-week holiday each year. Just please get out there, travel. Experience the world and all it has to offer. You will become a better person for it. There is only so much you can learn about other cities and cultures from a textbook. The best way to learn something is to experience it yourself. Oscar, one of the things I loved about your mum when we first met, and even now, is her love of an adventure. You’ve got a great role model.

Screen shot 2015-07-14 at 14.40.32

A list of just some of the places I have visited in my 26 years. Travel is possible on any budget.

Don’t be afraid to fall in love. The first time you get your heart-broken is not going to be fun; in fact it will completely suck balls, but YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT. Every romantic novel and Hollywood movie tells us that you should take a chance on love because, if you can’t take a chance on love, what can you take a chance on? If people keep saying it, they must be right. Also, please don’t be that asshole who leads girls on to make himself feel better. If you don’t like someone, be blunt (NOT MEAN).  In the long run it’ll be better for everyone involved.

The number on the scale is just that – a number. It doesn’t define who you are. Having said that, food is not the answer. It will not make you feel better about yourself. Eat healthily and exercise regularly. Mason-James, I am praying that you take after your dad here. Your mum’s logic on eating her greens is not quite sound. “Cows eat grass, I eat lots of beef, and therefore I eat greens” Eat a little bit of everything. Enjoy your food, you will discover that food is one of the only 2 things in the world (in my opinion) that has the power to bring people from all around the world, together. The second is music.

Everyone is right: money can’t buy you happiness. Money can provide security, but once you have security, more money cannot buy you more happiness. If you show me someone who thinks money can buy happiness, I will show you someone who has never had a lot of money. The reason is the happiness that material things bring you is temporary. Experiences and memories will give you the happiness you crave. The happiness money can’t. My happiest times are attached to people, not things.

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Oscar, this is an old photo of your mum and I at my 25th birthday. I doubt I will remember what she bought me, I remember her being there.


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Mason – James, this one is of your mum and I a few months before she found out she was pregnant with you. It was taken at Cousin Katie’s wedding.

Find your passion. Find what makes you happy and spend your time on that. Be great at it. You have gifts and skills in you that have not been seen before, and that won’t be seen again. Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work again”. I believe that to be true. If you do what you love and love what you do, you will work hard and you will enjoy it!

Lastly, because I am aware this is going on a bit. Know that life is full of struggle. Bad things will happen. To both you and those you love. These things that happen very often cannot be changed. Do not blame yourself. Keep fighting. There is an old Japanese proverb

“Fall seven times, stand up eight ”

Keep this attitude in life. Many people suffer great tragedies and live full and happy lives. Remember the people you love, cherish them and mourn them. Accept that terrible things happen, and try to live as if each day is your last with those you love. There is nothing else you can do.

Before I sign off, just one last thing, always remember no matter where life has taken me, no matter what country I am in:

I love you.

Xoxo

Auntie KayKay

Oh, and look at these…

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Mason, this is our first photo together. Taken the day after you were born at East Surrey Hospital.


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Oscar bear, this was our first photo together, taken in your first ever home in Sanderstead. I remember just staring at you for ages. And yes, I had ginger hair – it was by choice!