april, 2018

bonjour and hello to you, the reader of this post.

how are you? well i hope. is it just me or has april been another january? as in, it’s felt like it has lasted about 700 weeks. it is finally the end of the month which means i can use my favourite meme in this post because…

how am i? well, this month i’ve mainly spent it feeling like i’m in the way and a bit forgotten if i’m honest. which, i know sounds to most either

  1.  bratty
  2.  utterly ridiculous
  3.  a bit pathetic

the thing is, i know it is probably all of the above but it’s how i have been feeling. so shoot me, why don’t ya. it’s a feeling i’ve tried (unsuccessfully) to shake off. i know people are just very busy and that i am not the centre of their world. i know that cancelled plans and minimal communication is just a result of people being busy and having more important things taking up their time but it’s still how i’ve been feeling and i wont lie to you. and i wont apologise for it either because, as i’ve told many a person, you should never apologise for how you feel.

in a complete 180 i have also been feeling very inspired by all the marathon runners, both Brighton and London. how fantastic are they all? (answer: very)

our very own Teddy’s Tribe did it, raising a phenomenal amount of money in the process. the cheerleaders spent their time wandering around Brighton seafront (one of my favourite places in England, just FYI) sporting their Teddy’s Tribe Foundation T Shirts, and myself the chipped tooth and fat lip i gained courtesy of my nephew on the train down there.

hero of the month

celebrity

Jameela Jamil

i have followed Jameela for what feels like years now. i remember her presenting on T4 back in the day but i really started to love her when i started reading her columns in Glamour magazine. at least i think it was Glamour, it might have been Cosmo, it was one of them. i loved how ballsy she was, i loved that she didn’t hold any prisoners, i loved that she had fucking opinions like a real person and not some puppet created by a PR company to give the generally acceptable answers that didn’t differ from the status quo.

in more recent times people will know her as Tahani in NBC’s ‘The Good Place’. holy forking shirtballs it’s good. it’s one of those shows that are very easy to watch.

she also runs two Instagram accounts, one of which is the reason she is my celebrity hero this month.

‘I Weigh’ is a movement. a movement that encourages people to see themselves as more than the number on the scale because that is only part, a small part, of what we are. it’s bloody fantastic.

personal

there isn’t one this month. sorry, i just generally hate everyone this month sooooo

book of the month

giving myself a pat on the back because i read not one, not two but THREE books this month.

learning more about people April edition was : Patti Smith – Just Kids

what a story. a story of friendship, love and survival. a story based in one of the best cities in the world – NYC. a story that shows that success is not an overnight job for anyone. hard work is rewarded. a beautiful read that i would highly recommend.

Joanna Nadin – The Queen of Bloody Everything

a novel. this was sent to me for freee (i love it when that happens). i had to read it and then give my feedback on it. what i loved about this is that, whilst it was a love story, the main love story wasn’t based on romantic love but rather parental. the main relationship was between a mother and daughter – and we all know how complicated they can be.

Dolly Alderton – Everything I Know about Love

now this was supposed to be my ‘learn more about other people: May edition’ book but i read it in one day. so i need a new book for may, if you have any suggestions then send them to me.

my friend Amy, upon seeing i was reading this, said to me she wants to start a cult of dolly. well, Amy, sign me up. i devoured this book. every 20 something woman needs it.

i also realised after i finished that i always seem drawn to people and the stories of people that aren’t necessarily traditional. a lot of the biographies i read the people have made royal cock ups, or have had their hearts shattered, or have some form of mental illness. they’ve experienced the very worst of what life can give you, felt terribly alone, or like a failure, like they’ve been left behind but have lived to tell the tale. their stories fill me with hope and a sense of calm. they make me feel less alone, i guess.

soundtrack to the month.

there have been three songs on repeat for me across this month.

patti smith – because the night

anne-marie – 2002

chris lane – take back home girl.

bad joke of the month

this got me giggling this month

food of the month

i’ve been enjoying yoghurt pouches like the 5 year old i am and also, lots of tea and biscuits. as lent finished i’ve been making up for lost time. oh and MARMITE CHEESE. my mouth is watering just writing that. motherforking shirt balls, it’s delicious.

realisation of the month

i will always have a love-hate relationship with people. they fascinate me, but they also piss me right off.

april 2018

i’ve been thinking a lot about stories this month. everyone’s life is a story and we try to write it simply as beginning – middle – end but perhaps we have it wrong. perhaps our stories aren’t as simple as that. perhaps they are lots of little stories that each has their own beginning –middle – end. maybe the people we meet are who make up the chapters. maybe we need to let go of the role we think people play in our stories to see the role they really play. i’m sure i’ve played the heroine in some, the villain in others. i’m sure i have hurt people in ways i can never make up for even though it hurts to admit that. perhaps my ability to face the things i don’t want to, the things i convinced myself i wasn’t strong enough to make me the hero of some stories, perhaps it makes me the hero of my own story. the character i play in other people’s lives, the role i’m cast in is not mine to decide, really. some chapters, no matter how much time passes, will still be painful to revisit, as painful as they were when they came to an end. these chapters will mean we actively avoid things; places, foods, movies and music because they remind us of that pain and reliving some stories are too painful. at least for now. one day we’ll gain those things back – sure, deep down we’ll hear that song and remember that person that broke our heart, or that friend that let us down, but one day, we’ll be able to claim back those things and rewrite their meaning in our chapters, in our stories. at least that’s what i’m hoping.

happy may, friends.

be good. to yourselves and others.

xoxo micks

reflections on a younger self. 

last night i found myself looking through my old journals and diaries. i don’t know why but as i was placing a book on my bookshelf i saw them and decided to pull some out and relive what i’d lived. 

a lot of the entries are not dated so i don’t know the last time i wrote in them – i can only guess it was around this time 2 years ago because of what i’d written about in them, certain incidents in my life that happened then are the focus of my last scribbles.

what i do know reading them is that i’ve changed. i can see the change in myself through the words on the page. is that weird? life is the strangest thing – we don’t see that we’re moving forward day to day but when we look back so much has changed. so much has happened. 

i like this person i’m becoming.

even on the days when i can’t see through the fog, even on the days when i want the world to go away. i like the person i am becoming. 

i look back at my old entries and feel what i felt back then but i am also able to see it differently. i can see the heart and heartbreak i felt over the boy who didn’t love me enough to not hurt me, the boy i would have moved across oceans for had he asked me again and not only see my pain, but also his. who am i to say he didn’t love me enough just because he didn’t love me the way i wanted him to love me. i can see the good in that goodbye.

i read back through the confusion and see that i have gained clarity, not in everything, but in some things. and for now that is enough.

i look at the old entries and see someone who was fighting against herself but couldn’t see that’s what she was doing. who thought that emotions were a sign of weakness (especially the sad ones). i was so proud of being so guarded and so unfeeling to the world. i was so proud of never having shared my true self with anyone. 

i thought that made me strong.

in actual fact i think now it showed my weakness, my insecurity. the ability to feel, to show emotions – the good and the bad – is part of what makes us so wonderfully human. you can’t shut it out, you can’t shut yourself off from it. you can try, but it will catch  up with you eventually. everything you run from always does.

i know more about me now.

what i want

where i want to go

life makes it hard to remember those things  sometimes but that’s why i write. it reminds me who i am and what i want. it focuses me when i need direction. when i need to get stuff off my chest. when i need a friend. there’s always a piece of paper and a pen around, no matter what time of the day it is. 

when i get lost i can pick those friends up and draw myself a map back home. 

xoxo

micks.

pictures of me from 2008 to the present day. there is one every year from 2008 doing various things with various people. the only year missing is 2016 because it wouldn’t fit!

how can I become less? 

Where I am: in bed, Montrose CA feeling like absolute rubbish (in case you wondered) 

What I’m listening to: La La Land is on in the background.

It’s my last night in CA until who knows when, I’ve had a ball these last couple weeks with one on my best friends (I apologise to my snapchat friends for the snaps you’ve had to endure). In my quieter moments on this trip, I’ve been thinking about stuff. In my quieter moments I’ve definitely been overthinking stuff. I’ve been thinking about myself and my behaviours, my character. 

Over the last few years I have been told that I am ‘a lot to handle’; that I am ‘too much’. Not just by one person, once. There have been a few different people on a few different occasions. Every time I’m told that it seems to stick in my memory more.

I’m not quite sure what they meant when they said it. I have never known whether to take it as a compliment or an insult; I tend to lean towards the latter.

“Too much” isn’t something that’s normally associated with positives, is it? Too much by definition is “an intolerable, implausible or exhausting situation or experience” (Google)  Not something I’d like to be known as really.

So my question is how do I make myself less? Is it possible to make myself just enough, just the right amount? Do I make myself smaller? My voice? My attitude? Do I have less opinions? Should I be quieter? Or laugh less? 

If you have the answers please let me know.

I don’t want to be ‘too much’. I’d like to be enough. 

xoxo Micks  

The Story of Rachel and I

The time is 00:31. It is Thursday 29th September. I have been in from work for about an hour, normally I would hit the hay straight away but today, today my blog readers, is a special, special day.

 

TODAY IS MY BEST FRIEND’S BIRTHDAY.

 

Rach is on the left

There will, of course, be the obligatory picture collage on all social media platforms, the annual Whatsapp of my singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to her, not to mention a birthday text (we both dislike phone calls – reason 101 she is my best friend) plus the celebratory dinner tomorrow but, after mentally recalling our story to myself, I decided I wanted to write it down and share it with the world.

So here it is, The Story of Rachel and I….

 

 

Picture it, Sicily 1922… oh no, wrong story.

Picture it, a lecture hall at Kingston University, in the autumn of 2009, a small group of students have gathered to talk to a lecturer about partaking in ERASMUS the next year, the room is abuzz with excitement.

 

“I wonder where we can go”

“Do you think you’ll need to speak the language?”

“I wonder what the universities are like?”

Rachel “ My brother’s girlfriend did ERASMUS, she said they just partied all the time.”

That is my first real memory of ‘ole McCarth. This was a year into the start of our course at KU (class of 2011 say hey!), our course was Primary Education and as there were only around 80 students (a guess) on the course you’d imagine that we’d have crossed paths before this, well, in a word, no. No we hadn’t. I recognised her face from the rare whole cohort lectures we had, and knew her name as one of the girls I hung out with was in the same specialism as her, but I had never actually spoken to her. At that point I didn’t have any idea how important that party animal would become to me.

 

one of our first nights out in Valencia

Fast forward a month or two and we both found out (along with Jade and Hayley) that we had been accepted on the ERASMUS programme. WAHEY. We were going to being in Valencia, Spain for a term (our course was split into terms like schools, not semesters). We were going to do our teaching placement at an international school, do a week in a local school, have a week off for Fallas and then spend 2 weeks at the university there. I will go on record to say that Hayley was a superstar in those weeks leading up to us leaving. She organised all of us; we had a group meeting with the student that had gone the year before us, she got us the name of a landlord in VLC, she contacted the school, she acted as a go-between for us and the lecturer that was our point of contact in Kingston.

 

Just up from our apartment in VLC

January 4th 2010. Gatwick Airport. Hayley had gone a day earlier and Jade was due in a couple days later. I remember standing by myself (I didn’t want anyone to come with me, didn’t want the fuss) waiting to drop my suitcase off and hearing someone talking at 100mph about 60 people ish behind me in the queue. It was Rachel. Her friends had dropped her off, they were gabbing away. This was something I learnt very quickly about Rach; she does love to talk.

I was a very different person back then, I remember thinking at the time ‘God, I hope she likes me. I hope we get on ok. What am I going to talk to her about?’ I was very shy and nervous back then and wanted everyone to like me. Now I couldn’t give a shit, but then it really mattered to me. We met up after security and since then we’ve been pretty much inseparable. She was, and is, so easy to talk to. I remember sitting on the plane next to her and being nervous because it was a big deal, going to stay in a country for 4 months with 3 girls I didn’t know that well, a country where I didn’t know the language but somehow she distracted me jabbering away, wondering what it would be like and talking about placement amongst other things. By the time we landed in Valencia I knew she was a good egg.

 

casual shopping trip

We got off the plane and survived public transport with Hayley’s instructions. We came out of the metro station at Àngel Guimerà, it was the middle of the night and super quiet, as we stood there waiting for Hayley to come and meet us Rach pipes up “Have you seen the movie Taken? ‘Cause this reminds me of that movie when the two girls get kidnapped”. Excellent. Thanks for that pal.

 

I’m pleased to report we weren’t kidnapped and we met Hayley just fine. Due to an overlap of students leaving and arriving Rach and I ended up sharing a room for a month. That month sealed the friendship deal for the both of us I think. Never have I enjoyed sharing a bedroom with someone so much. We quickly found that we had a shared love of tea, emo music and the same stupid sense of humour. Every night we’d get in to bed, have a chat and end up laughing at something ridiculous – more than once Jade knocked on the wall and asked what we were laughing at and we couldn’t tell her because either a) she wouldn’t find it funny like us or b) we were too busy laughing to explain.

 

A club somewhere in Kings Cross

I can say for the both of us that those few months abroad were our best time at university. We had the best time. The school we were in was amazing; the teachers made us feel so welcome and even took us for our first night out drinking whilst we were there. The children were little gems and loved having us there – there were a lot of tears on our last days. On the days we weren’t at the school we partied, shopped, went to the beach, drank tea, visited our little man in the fruit and veg shop down the street, went and saw Valencia play at the Mestalla (Thanks for the tickets, Carles), snuck in a trip up to Barcelona… we had a ball.

 

Rach and I did try and learn the lingo properly whilst we were there but it didn’t really work out. Especially when you look at our learning techniques…

 

Car is Coche. The best way to remember it is ‘COtCH (e)ing in the car’

 

Donde means where? WHERE is the DON of the D(e)ay?

 

Honestly, and we wonder why we quickly unlearnt most of our ‘Spanish’. This kind of thing was one of the many things we bonded over; we thought it was a foolproof way to learn. Apparently not.

 

We skipped out on the local school placement together once – there was a visit to the local park and after lunch we got bored so we went home and had a nap. Never went back. There was also a lecture at the university where the lecturer was a complete arse, when we had to divide into groups for work again we both went home, had a tea, listened to music and had a nap. Hayley and Jade were both troopers and stuck it out. We just encouraged the naughty in each other I think.

 

Back home we both struggled to re adjust to being on a course our hearts weren’t in. The travel bug had bitten and we wanted to go out there and see everything and everywhere. If we were both honest there was a very similar reason that we both wanted to jump back on a flight to Valencia. Obviously, we didn’t. We both had different friendships groups and mine were very focused and made sure I completed assignments and went to lectures; living in Kingston made it easier for me. Rach was living at home in South Norwood and found it much easier to be distracted – especially when she got into a new relationship (George, I’m looking at you! Ha-ha) I have to say through this phase I was a big fat nag, this was our final year of uni and I made it my mission to make Rach finish the course. There was no way she was going to drop out after she’d worked so hard.

 

Around May 2011, I remember walking with Rach to the car park by the business school and her casually dropping in the conversation that she was pregnant. My jaw hit the floor and we had a long old chat about it in her car (miss you, Ruby). Fast forward to November 20th, I’m in Bath visiting another friend and my BB goes off (I kind of miss my Blackberry too, BBM was the nuts!) with a picture of the most precious thing. My Godson, Nephew, Friend, Guy who is super fun and so much cooler than me. Oscar. That boy has filled my life with so much love, light, happiness and playfulness in his (almost) 5 years on the planet. It has been a joy to watch him grow and become who he is. I’m pleased to report that he has the same silly sense of humor that his mum and I have. It’s great!

When Oscar and I met for the first time

 

We’ve now been best pals for almost 7 years; this post was just the beginning of the story of Rachel and I. There have been so many more moments over the years that have cemented her place in my heart and in my life. She is an absolute gem and anyone that knows her is lucky too. Watching her become a mum and raise Oscar, along with George, has been so special. Rachel took to it so naturally, even though she was always a bit worried about it. If I ever had children I will have her on speed dial.

There is so much more to her than being Oscar’s mum though, she has been there for me and shared some of my best and worst moments. The dose of realness that I often need when I get swept up in my fantasies; she’ll always gently pull me back down to earth. She is funny, loves food as much as me – once I asked her what she wanted to do and she looked at me and said “I think I’d just like to eat some quavers”, appreciates music like I do both the ‘cool’ stuff and the not so cool. She has a sense of adventure that rivals my own, she can talk to anyone, has a heart of gold, is fiercely loyal to me, she always has my back… I don’t actually know what I did to deserve her. She is also, and she’ll hate me for saying this, like, totally gorgeous!!! Sooooo many of my friends see her pic for the first time and go ‘oh she’s so pretty’. Rachel will say something along the lines of ‘oh behave, stop it’ when she reads that but Rach hunny, we say it cause it’s true!!

I’ve rambled on a fair bit now so I will close this by saying Rachel you’re great. Thank you for being my friend. You’re infinitely cooler and prettier than me. I love you. See you tomorrow evening.

 

Your blister,

 

Michaela

 

Xoxo

Fashion, Daaaaahling.

Now, I don’t pretend to be fashion-forward. I am not a slave to fashion in anyway. I am the opposite of that, whatever ‘that’ is called. A slob? I am basic, I’m not glamorous at all – I wish I was but I’m just too lazy. If the colours match and the clothes ‘go’ I’m good. I’ll only dress up if there is reason to, and even then I hate it.

I have friends that are whizzes with make up and always have hair that looks like they stepped out a salon. My hair generally looks like I’ve been dragged through a bush backwards, much to my sister’s dismay. Sorry, bro. My daily make up routine is concealer, bronzer and maybe a smidge of lip-gloss. My new job requires me to have a minimum of mascara and lip gloss on at all times – I went and got eyelash extensions because I don’t fancy poking myself in the eye with a mascara wand at 2am when I get up for the early shift (read: I’m just too lazy)

 

All of the above goes to show that I am not really in a position to judge people and their fashion choices, however, after seeing one too many people wearing socks and sandals at the airport I felt compelled to write this.

 

10 fashion trends I just don’t ‘get’

 

 

  1. Huaraches

 

WHAT ARE THESE EVEN MEANT TO BE? Are they trainers? Are they plastic shoes with socks inside? Did a pair of Nike AirMax shag a pair of crocs and the Huarache trainer was their love child?

It continually baffles me that they are popular and that people genuinely brag about owning these shoes. They are so ugly. They offend my eyes. As soon as I see someone wearing a pair I begin to feel sorry for their parents; surely they didn’t raise their child to make such bad life decisions?

 

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Seriously? 

 

  1. Partial shaved head

 

Girls, what is this about? I don’t get it. Someone please explain. I’m yet to meet more than a handful of girls that can really pull this off. Can we all just take a moment to acknowledge that just because Rihanna pulled it off doesn’t mean we all can. So stop it. Please. Now.

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As demonstrated here, it doesn’t work on everyone. Sorry, Avril.

 

 

  1. High heels that you can’t walk in

 

As a self-professed lazy fashionista I’m only in a heel on a night out/ dinner / date / special occasion. I might rock a heeled boot in the day during winter but other than that heels are relegated in favour of my Vans or Converse. When I do go shopping for heels and wear them, call me crazy; I always make sure I CAN ACTUALLY WALK IN THEM. Ladies, you don’t look sexy when you can’t walk in your shoes. You just look like someone shoved a pole up your butt, or Bambi on ice. Potato, potartoe. Also, just so you know, the trick to walking in heels is don’t bend your knees too much. You’re welcome.

 

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#justsayin

 

  1. Nails that are super long

 

I’m gonna be real for a second – how do you wipe your arse when you’ve been potty? I’m genuinely interested to know. I’ve had acrylics that are a decent length before and struggled with everything from texting on my phone to doing my bras up. How do you girls do it with nails that are inches long? Pray tell.

 

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How do you get things done with nails like this? Or am I just a fail of a girl?

 

 

  1. Facial piercings

 

Just no. On both sexes. The only piercing that is acceptable on the face is a nose piercing. (Tongue isn’t on the face before THOSE people get their panties in a bunch). Eyebrow piercings make you look like you’ve been in prison for assault. ‘Madonna’ piercings or whatever they are called makes you look like you’ve got a big spot that needs taking care of. Lip piercings… see my note on Madonna piercings. Although, actually, on the right person a lip ring can look kind of hot. That could be my inner 15 y/o emo talking though.

 

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Nose =beaut. Madonna=big spot

 

 

  1. ‘Fuckboy: the hair cut’

 

You all know what I mean. I’m sure, once upon a time, fashion was about individuality and expressing yourself. Trends come and go. This trend seems to have taken off on another level and is a trend that just WON’T LEAVE. You look like Phil and Lil from Rugrats. Stop it.

Please note: this is coming from someone who enjoys a man bun so I understand if you feel that this is a case of pot calling the kettle black.

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Phil and Lil : unlikely trendsetters

 

  1. Louis Vuitton/Burberry Print product

 

Ruined by chavs everywhere. If you’re getting LV or Burberry product don’t get the prints. We all know it’s not cheap (if it’s genuine) but when I see these prints now it screams CHEAP to me.

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Ruined by chavs everywhere.

 

  1. Ted Baker bags

 

Not a TB handbag but the one’s that look kind of plastic normally with a big bow on. The tote. Again. No. Just no. Someone needs to explain the reason most girls covet these because it is lost on me. Did I miss a memo?

Screen Shot 2016-08-25 at 20.29.16.png

 

 

  1. Poo coloured matte lipstick.

 

I’m a fan of a matte lipstick. My personal favourite is a red or a berry shade. Poop brown? Naaa bruv. Leave it alone. Why do you want to look like you’ve smeared poop on your lips? Also, it makes teeth look yellow. Take the poop lipstick out the make up bag and drop it down the loo with the rest of the poop where it belongs.

 

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Matte Brown Lip. Not for me.

 

 

  1. Fake Uggs

 

Call me a snob (it’s find, I am) BUT WHY GOD, WHY? They last for all of 5 minutes, always fall at the back. It’s not a good look. If you must wear Uggs, do us all a favour and save all those £10’s you spend on the Primarni specials from September to March and treat yourself to some real ones. Both your feet and the eyes of the general public will thank you for it.

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Don’t be the girl on the left. 

 

 

So there you have it, my top ten fashion fails. I will be judging you if you commit these fashion crimes. Do you agree with any of these? Would you add any others?

Oh, and before you all get offended, just remember this is my opinion. You don’t have to agree with it. I’m sure there will be around the same number of people that agree with what I have written here as the number of people with a brain and a conscious that think that Trump will make a good president.

Go forth and fashion, my dahlings.

 

xoxo

 

Micks.

 

Time flies, but you’re the pilot.

Important life update: I LEFT MY JOB OF 10 YEARS AND STARTED A NEW ONE AND IT WAS SCARY AND UPSETTING AND EXCITING ALL AT ONCE.

 I FUCKING DID IT!

You didn’t think I would, did you? It’s fine, I didn’t think I would either.

My decision to leave my job is one that I have discussed with many of my family, friends and colleagues. I wasn’t convinced I would make the jump myself, even after I had handed my notice in, announced it to everyone and survived the incessant ‘but why’s?’ I still wasn’t sure I was brave enough.

Of course everyone has their own opinions about whether I made the right decision or not; my mum has been very vocal about not understanding the logic behind the decision, as was my old regional manager. My work BFF Michelle was, and is, very vocal about me leaving and has tried to get me to come back already – it’s only been a week and a half! I know my Madre is worried I will make a mistake and come to regret my decision (she also doesn’t want me to go travelling ha). Michelle wanting me to stay is purely selfish because I am her favourite (and also most modest) colleague. We have, and will, stay in touch though. I do believe in the 10 days since I’ve left we have spoken on the phone at least 5 times. She is the only person I’ve met that likes to talk as much as I do! : )

 

My friends have been much more understanding – they understand my commitment to the company would hold me back from my future travel plans.

 

“If you stay then you won’t go travelling” – Sophia, Leanna, Ken, Denise, Mark etc.

 

“Just stay working for us but book a ticket and then you’ll have to leave” – Mr. Keefe’s (my old RM) logic to my leaving.

 

If only my mind worked that way Mr. Keefe! I know I would never leave; the merry-go-round that is my old work place is a hard one to jump off of, especially after 10 years. Losing money on a plane ticket wouldn’t faze me; money has never been my motivation. Despite the pressure, stress and the long days, the satisfaction of meeting that (often tight) deadline, seeing new product, developing new team members, training the staff – training was one of my favourite parts of the job -, helping the customers and my belief in the brand and it’s values would have kept me there. My heart was in it, for the good and the bad!

 

My head, however, told me otherwise. A typical Gemini in every sense of the word; the battle between head and heart was eventually won by my head. Logic won. If I was to go travelling, I wanted more time to spend with the people I tolerate the most before I go, I want time to enjoy seeing my nephews grow up (MJ now says Kayla and it is the most adorable sound since Oscar calling me KayKay for the first time). I want some time to myself, to enjoy having a job that is just that, a job. My old job took over my life somewhat (and I do understand that was my doing, no one else’s) but it was my passion and dedication – I have always been an all or nothing kind of gal. Logic told me it makes more sense to leave because that was the only way I’d get what I wanted out of my time before I flit off to the next place. When this opportunity came up to move jobs, I had to take it.

 

 

A job closer to home affords me time. Shift work affords me time – although those early mornings are a killer. I am NOT a morning person. Regular days off afford me time. I can already feel the difference in myself – I no longer take work home with me. It is a job, that’s it. When I am with friends I am not checking work emails whilst half paying attention to what they are saying. I’m there fully – I wasn’t before.

 

“The only thing more precious than our time is who we spend it on”

 

All this time I have gained has brought home to me how much time I really did spend worrying about work – I said to my friend that I have actually realised that I don’t really have much of a life because I never had time to make one before. – This post is also making me realise how work obsessed I was it’s kind of embarrassing aha. Now I have something that I didn’t have before TIME. Time to do stuff that I want – I am going to get my fitness levels back to what they were this time last year (if not better), I am attempting to relearn the Spanish I unlearnt over the years, I have a pile of 10 books that have been sat on my side waiting to be read for the last year. Time flies, but luckily we’re the pilots. We control how we waste our time.

 

So. My new job? What’s the verdict? My new job is just that, new. It’s different, not in a bad way. It’s just different. I hate that I don’t know everything yet – I don’t like not knowing stuff, I like to learn and am used to being a bit of a know-it-all; another Gemini trait. The team is nice, and I get on well with most of them (there are a couple I’m not sure of but we’ll see what happens there, watch this space). I enjoy mentally spending all my money on the items we have and I definitely enjoy the monthly clothing allowance. Most of all though, I love talking to the customers about travel! My favourite thing is to travel and hearing and sharing recommendations on what to do and where to go is great for me! I am off to Prague in November (Happy birthday, Leanna) and already have numerous places and things that have been recommended to me by locals flying home. I think I will enjoy it more the longer I’m there; so far there are no regrets.

 

My old workplace will always be home though.

 

Xoxo

Micks

 

 

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You’re not scared of climbing mountains, you’re scared that you can’t make them move.

“Making a big life change is scary, but you know what is scarier?

REGRET”

 

 

This quote is so applicable to my life right now it is freaky. As my family and friends know I am currently working my notice period for a company I have worked at for (on and off) 10 years. I’ve worked my way up from a 6hr Sunday girl to store manager. The company has supported me completely throughout this time, providing me with a part-time job during university, a career after. They have allowed me to take sabbaticals to go off, explore the world and live my best life whilst providing me with a safety net to return to when I’m done. It’s been my comfort blanket for the last 10 years. On August 13th 2016 that comfort blanket is gone for good.

 

A change gon’ come.

 

Now, considering I was the one who made the decision to leave you’d think I’d be more excited about the new challenges that lay ahead with my new job and I am, to an extent, but I am also shitting my pants a bit. Why? Exactly as that quote says – change is a scary thing. I know my job I have now (after 10 years I’d be worried if I didn’t), I still love the company – I believe in where it is going and its vision for the future. Whilst it is not perfect (no business is), it’s determined to be the best in its category. I adore the (majority of) customers that come through the door; in fact I properly enjoy talking with the kids more than the adults! My favourite customers I have seen through numerous children, they have come back to see me time and again – one customer even followed me from my previous store to the one I’m currently in.

To think that will be gone is both sad and scary.

Some of my close friends have had the drama of me officially making this decision – when I handed my notice in my regional manager made it VERY hard to leave – so hard in fact that when I hung up the phone to him I promptly burst into tears through both confusion and because he was very nice to me and I wasn’t expecting it. I then called Den and Michelle straight away and they spoke whilst I cried a bit more, I then crazy messaged my friend in Weymouth shouting about needing her life coach advice (She’s yet to steer me wrong) and then starting harassing two people who’s opinions I value a lot through the mediums of Whatsapp and Snapchat. Ultimately the decision was mine and I decided to go ahead with the resignation because I have bigger, long-term plans and could never live with the ‘what if’ that I know I would end up with if I stayed.

 

Over the last week I have almost called my RM and retracted my notice on a couple of occasions because change is scary. Because I worry that I’ve made the wrong choice and the grass isn’t really greener. Because I worry about the people I’m leaving behind and that I’m somehow letting them down. Especially when you’re settled, change is scary. When you constantly worry about what could go wrong, and what if you feel that you are not strong enough, independent enough or lovable enough to succeed in getting through an important change?

Change is scary.

 

Now, some people embrace change as though it is nothing (I hate and admire those people in equal amounts), a smart man said once “change is the only constant thing in life” and we need to learn to embrace it, little by little to challenge ourselves and grow. If I was to let it, my imagination could come up with a million different worse case scenarios and terrible things that could happen as a result of this change I’m making. Thinking about it, if I can imagine the worst thing, why can’t imagine the best? It can only go one of two ways, right? Things can get better, or they can get worst. 50/50 chance of both.

 “the key to change…is to let go of fear” (Roseanne Cash)

and right now that is what I am deciding to do (at least for the next 5 minutes).

 

 

Yes, the change I am making is scary. Yes, it could go wrong. Right now though, I am deciding to take a leap of faith and trust in the magic of new beginnings. I have to live my life for me, and no one else.

Besides, who knows, give it a year and I might be back where I started, but at least I’ll be able to say I tried.

Xoxo

Micks

P.S to all my work favourites… you’ll never really get rid of me. Like a fly to shit I’ll always be hovering around J Love yous xxx

Why can’t I take a compliment?

I was recently told that I put myself down a lot – something that a lot of people do, especially if you’re British; self-deprecation is noted as a truly British trait. However, I digress, I was recently told that I put myself down a lot, something which I had put down to my Britishness (is that a real word?) Seeking a second opinion, I asked a close friend and confidante if they agreed with the person’s observations; they did.

“You do it more than most, and you can’t take a compliment; you’ll either turn it into a joke or ignore it.”

“Well, I don’t want to seem arrogant. I know I’m nothing special”

“Taking a compliment and being arrogant are two different things. You can’t take a compliment.”

 

Food for thought for me.

It’s not a behaviour I can say I had particularly noticed in myself and it made me more conscious of it; and for the next while I made an effort to see if I did it that often. Turns out I do, even when I wasn’t meaning to. Jokes were made by me, at my expense. Any compliments I received were either ignored or turned into a joke, or deflected back on to the person that had given the compliment to start with.

 

“You’re hair looks nice today”

“I just couldn’t be bothered to straighten it”

 

“That’s a nice top”

“So’s yours, where is it from?”

 

“What make up do you use? Your skin looks nice”

“Behave, have you seen these bags under my eyes? Any bigger and I’ll be charged 5p for them”

Just a few examples there, there was never once a simple thank you. Then, being the over-thinker, over-analyser type of person that I am who is always looking for answers as to why people behave the way they do, I got to thinking.

Why am I like this? Yes, it’s one thing to make the odd joke at your expense (no one likes anyone who takes themselves too seriously) but the constant put-downs? Why?

When trying to figure out why, I came to conclusion that it was so no one else can do it. If I take the piss out of myself then no one else can use it against me. Basically I don’t think I’m enough. So I joke more than necessary, put myself down, deflect compliments so that when others see something they don’t like, or a flaw I feel protected. They may have noticed it, or criticised me but chances are I’ve got a joke ready so it won’t matter. I know I am not perfect, and I don’t strive to be, so why am I always on the defensive? Why can’t I just be like:

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WHY GODDAMIT?

The majority of people who I come into contact with daily wouldn’t notice that way I am. They see the façade I put out there; confident, happy, smart (weeeell), chatty. Very few know me well enough to see past that, I still remember a conversation at work a while ago between Aud and Kelv. Audrey said I was confident and almost immediately Kelly said no, I wasn’t, that I was actually really shy and unsure. Of course, everyone disagreed with her but she was right. I really am shy and unsure. I travel around different stores, meeting lots of people and I completely cool and calm about it but, fake it until you make it has been my motto at work for a long time.

There are 2 moments that I can pinpoint that started me off this way. Both occurred during Secondary school (a traumatic weird time in everyone’s life).

First, Mrs Scott’s English class, top set. Discussing projects, and one of my friends had finished theirs early. Mrs Scott (the crazy bitch) overheard our conversation and promptly called me ‘an empty vase’, just as the rest of the class went quiet. Yep, she called me thick and all my classmates heard. They talk about having those moments where you want the ground to swallow you – this was the first one of mine that I remember. Ever since then I have only ever joked about me being clever. Ever since then I didn’t think I was smart enough.

Second. Now, before I write this I just want to say my sister probably doesn’t even remember this moment, nor meant what came out of her mouth, I think she just chose her words wrong. Nevertheless, it happened and is still a memory I have to this day, I can remember it as if it happened yesterday.

I was about 15, in town with my sister and her then boyfriend. She had run into Mcdonalds to use the loo (classy) and whilst she was in there her boyfriend got talking to some friends. They walked off just as she came back out, the conversation went like this

“Who was that?”

“Just Jim, Tom and Ads, some of the lads I used to kick about with”

“Oh, did they think my sister was your girlfriend?”

“No, I said she was your sister”

“Cause I was gonna say I bet they were like errgh

Like I say, I think she chose her words wrong, but I have always remembered that. I’m errrgh. I think that was when I really started to critique myself physically (luckily for me it was before social media). It makes it hard for me to believe it when friends tell me stuff like this:

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NB: we weren’t talking about my sister in this! Ha

 

Now, I haven’t written this to gain your sympathy or to encourage people to leave me compliments (that I’ll joke off, obvs) I wrote it to get it out my head and to hopefully change a pattern of behaviour, because now people can call me on it. Now, by airing it, I can hopefully start to realise I’m actually alright and stop being such a douchebag to myself. My new go-to song is Tori Kelly’s ‘Anyway’, as she sings “This is the only Tori that I know how to be…take it or leave it babe, I’m not gonna change…”

Here’s to all the eerrrgh empty vases out there!

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xoxo

Micks

P.S Check out Tori Kelly’s ‘Anyway” HERE. It’s a banger.

 

 

These are a few of my favourite things

These are a few of my favourite things…

These posts do the rounds quite often, and as there is nothing easier than writing about oneself I decided to jump on board that bandwagon. I’m also distracting myself because I can’t find the inspo to finish my other blog. So, you guys get stuck with this, sorry about that. Anywhooo…. here are a few of my favourite things.

AAuthor – Roald Dahl, or Cecelia Ahern. I can reread their books over and over.

BBeverage – Tea or Water / Alcoholic would be Tequila or Disaronno

CColour – Yellow

DDisney Film – Peter Pan

EExercise – Running

F Food – I can’t believe I have to choose. Ok, pretty much any Mexican food.

GGroup – The Beatles. I also love One Direction, and I’m not even sorry.

HHoliday – CHRISTMAS

IIdea I ever had – starting this blog

JJoke – A man walks into a bar. Ouch – so bad it’s good.

KKid – tied between my boys Oscar and Mason-James.

LLesson at school – my faves were History and Psychology

MMusical – West Side Story.

N Number – 6

OOrganisation – it has to be the Beagle Freedom Project who fight against animal testing, or All Out who campaign for LGBT rights around the world

P Place – Disneyland. Or Strawberry Fields in Central Park.

Q – Quote – There are many that I love but these 3 are probably my favourite 1. A day without laughter is a day waster (unknown) 2. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent (Eleanor Roosevelt) 3. We accept the love we think we deserve (Stephen Chobsky).

You can read my 10 quotes to live by here: https://littlemicksmusings.wordpress.com/2015/10/01/quotes-to-live-by/

RRomance – completely predictable but it’s Darcy and Bennett.

SSeason – Autumn because baggy jumpers and tea!

TT.V Show – Friends (as if you even had to ask!) Castle and Charmed also rank highly

UURL – YouTube, Word press, IG and FB

V Vacation Place – dream vaca place is Peru (I wanna do Machu Picchu so bad)

WWord – Glockenspiel – say it, it’s a great word to say.

X – eXpletive – too many to list… I swear a lot.

Y Year – 1989, the year I was born, obvs. 2011 (Oscar was born) 2015 (MJ was born)

Z Zoo animal – Penguins

THE END.

Wasn’t that fun?

Tell me your favourite things.

Xoxo

Micks

50 things to do when you’re sad

‘Pursuit of Happiness’ by Kid CuDi is, quite possibly, my favourite song in the whole entire universe (listen here). ‘Happiness’ is what we are all on the pursuit on, whether we know it or not. Sometimes, we hit bumps in the road, because as Kid CuDi sings “everything that shines ain’t always gonna be gold”. Some days really, well, they really suck balls. We’ve all had those days where we get home, look in the mirror and think, “well today was a COMPLETE waste of make-up).

I can hear you asking “What do you do to cheer yourself up when you’ve had this kind of day? What can possibly cure you of ‘Ihadashitday syndrome?” Funny you should ask…

Here are 50 ways to cheer yourself up.
DISCLAIMER: If these don’t work it’s not my fault, they are proven to work for me and a select sample of individuals (aka my family and friends).

  1. Sometimes you just need to get it out. So cry.
  2. Have a nice cup of tea. There are very few things a cup of tea can’t solve. If you’re putting the kettle on make me one too (milk, no sugar). Cheers.
  3. Eat something. Anything that makes you feel better. Fuck the calorie/fat content. I would suggest eating Peanut Butter straight from the jar, it always works for me
  4. Remind yourself that if Britney Spears can survive 2007, you can survive today.
  5. Watch this and remember. You matter.
  6. Lie on your bed and listen to the rain (if it isn’t raining outside, go to rainymood.com – it’s my new favourite website)
  7. Roll down a hill
  8. Get sweaty. In whatever way takes your fancy. Exercise = endorphins = happy happy.
  9. Know that on one of my school reports my teacher told my parents I was thick. Quote ‘Michaela lacks the mental capacity’ unquote
  10. Watch a Disney movie. Sing a Disney song. Disney makes life better. I’d choose ‘Aladdin’ – Robin Williams as the Genie, best cast choice ever – and ‘When will my life begin’ from Tangled.
  11. Do what I said for number 10 but replace Disney with Christmas. My film would be either ‘White Christmas’ (just because of this scene) or ‘Muppet’s Christmas Carol’. The song would be all of them. I LOVE CHRISTMAS
  12. Spend an hour on ted.com listening to inspiring, thought-provoking talks. I adore Sarah Kay’s ‘If I should have a daughter…’
  13. Listen to your favourite album from start to finish. Music is the cure for most things.
  14. Google Earth Stalk that one place you always wanted to go.
  15. Jump on the bed – it’s still fun no matter your age.
  16. Be around children. Their innocence is endearing, they are the better than any type of anti-depressant going. The same applies to animals.
  17. Watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. If you have never watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S this is probably why you’re sad.
  18. Write a letter to the person that upset you. Or write the universe. Get it all out. Don’t worry about grammar and spelling, just get it out. Word vomit on that page. Then rip it up. Throw it in the bin. It’s gone. So is your anger and sadness.
  19. Call your best friend.
  20. Call your mum or that ‘mother-like’ figure you have in your life. Everything they tell you is pretty much true.
  21. Ladies, Shave your legs and wash your sheets. Then get in bed and try to be sad. Try. Yeah. It’s impossible. Lads, you’re welcome to try it.
  22. Get nostalgic. Look through old photos. Remember the good times.
  23. Do your hair/make-up. Who cares if you have nowhere to go. It’s fun to glam up!
  24. Scream into a pillow. Or just scream. You know, whatever works for you.
  25. Email me, I’ll try and cheer you up. (michaelawright89@hotmail.co.uk) I didn’t win an award for being ‘the best shoulder to cry on’ at school for no reason, you know.
  26. Write your bucket list out. Get lost in your dreams.
  27. Go shopping. Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.
  28. Eat Mexican food and drink margaritas. You can’t eat tacos and be sad. It is simply impossible. (this might only work if Mexican food and tequila are your number one food/alcohol choices).
  29. Watch ’50 shades of Grey’. Appreciate the perfect form of Jamie Dornan and laugh at how bad the movie actually is.
  30. Look out the window. Imagine being blind and not being able to see what you see.
  31. Look in the mirror and say out loud “I am enough”. Repeat until you believe it.
  32. Remind yourself of this…Screen shot 2015-07-23 at 21.13.26
  33. Know that when I was at university I got so drunk once that I threw up on my door. Then next morning I was hung over and had to clean it up. Be glad it wasn’t you.
  34. Create a playlist/ make a mix tape of your favourite songs from your teen years. Play it loud and sing along. Try and remember the old dance moves. I bet you still know some of them.
  35. Remember that tough times don’t last, but tough people do.
  36. Draw/paint. On paper or yourself. Whichever takes your fancy.
  37. Go for a walk, be outside and just breathe. Inhale deeply.
  38. Whilst on said walk go to the park and feed the ducks. You have food, therefore you are their God.
  39. Bake a cake. Lick the spoon. And bowl.
  40. Some of the best days of your life haven’t happened yet. How cool is that?
  41. Penguins. Look at pictures of them. Watch videos of them. Watch Happy Feet. No animal will give you more joy than penguins. Promise.
  42. Bubbles. Bath. Facemask. It’s a no brainer.
  43. Think of 5 things you like about yourself. Write them down. Tape it to your mirror. If you can’t think of 5 things, ask your nearest and dearest for 5 things they like about you. Tape THEM to your mirror.
  44. Hard boil eggs. Throw them at the wall. This is best done outside. It has the same effect as plates but doesn’t cost you as much, and is less messy.
  45. Take a nap
  46. Do something nice for someone else – you can’t sprinkle a little happiness around without getting some on yourself.
  47. Remember that it never gets easier, you just get better.
  48. Nighttime – drive somewhere quiet. Lie under the stars.
  49. Read ‘Rockettes, Rockstars and Rockbottom’ by Keltie Colleen. It will prove to you that you will survive.
  50. Remember, I love you. Also, remember this

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You’re welcome.

Xoxo

Micks

p.s what would you add?

p.p.s I was inspired to write this list after reading this