• when this is over •

well saturday nights sure look different don’t they? or i’d imagine they do for most; mine are basically the same as they always were because i hate people and try to avoid them at all costs in a normal world, let alone a covid-19 world.

how are we all doing then? i won’t lie i’m semi surprised i haven’t gone completely insane. i never spend this much time with my family but i’m coping well. i think part of it is knowing i’m actually lucky to be isolating with people; i know some who are completely alone and really struggling with it. there’s no amount of facetime that can help. actually, whilst we’re on the subject of video calls can we all just agree that we’re going to stop sharing the photos of our zoom calls? no one cares anymore… ok fine, i don’t care anymore. it’s been 3 weeks and i’m over them. thanks

the initial novelty of isolating has worn off now hasn’t it? at the beginning i feel like we were all super motivated. the instagram posts of workouts and baking were frequent, everyone not working from home was excited to be able to day drink 7 days a week. netflix marathons were things to be proud of. 3 weeks in everyone (at least those i’ve spoken to) has hit a wall. they’re over their new fitness regime, they don’t want to day drink all week anymore, – yes there are people like that in the world – they would rather eat cereal out the packet than bake anything else. (side note: is it just me that can’t believe how fast the time is going?)

i’ve been keeping myself busy with work mon-fri and then making lists for the weekend to try and stay productive. the bonus of this is also that if i’m ticking things off my list and being productive it means i’m not eating everything i lay my beady eyes on. honestly, it’s an issue. i’m one cheese mini away from putting one of those signs in my fridge that say “you’re not hungry, you’re bored. close the fucking door”

another perk is staying productive helps manage the anxiety, worry and fear that creeps up around this situation. the longer this goes on the more i’m seeing people talk and post about the effect this is taking mentally on them. staying productive gives me something to focus on, albeit just short term but once one task is done it’s on to the next and then before you know it it’s bedtime. it helps.

something else that has also helped is making sure i stay connected with people outside of my house in ways that aren’t just over text. i’ve never quite appreciated the value in hearing someone’s voice in a phone call, or seeing their face in a photo. video calls are also sanity savers (but remember we’re not posting pics of these anymore, go team). this thursday just gone we had a work social over zoom, we all brought a glass and did a pub quiz. it was the first time i’d laughed like that since before lockdown.

something i’ve started doing this week though (inspired by dolly alderton and pandora sykes) is make a list of all the stuff i’m going to do when we get to go back into the real world. this is something that is getting me through the sleepless nights and moments of panic. i encourage you all to do it. honestly, it will make you feel a million times better. see mine below…

• run around to my sisters to hug my nephew SO TIGHT and then spend the day playing whatever games he wants to play/ watching whatever he wants to watch and secretly feed him cookies

• take a trip to the seaside to visit my best friend and 2 godchildren. squeeze them all, multiple times. laugh with them. lots.

• go to the gym with Denise

• spend the whole time at the gym with Denise complaining that we’re at the gym

• make the executive decision with Denise that a summer bod is overrated and go and have a massive fry up instead

• celebrate my little Sophia’s birthday and allow her and Leanna to get me a bit drunk

• book a flight, to anywhere

• get my hair and nails done!

• go to nandos (spicy rice come to meeee)

• go to the theatre

• have a sleepover at Byng’s house (she doesn’t know this yet) with her and Amy. say nice things about them to their actual faces

• visit Kew Gardens and enjoy being outside with people instead of getting pissed off with them

honestly, this is just a handful of things i’m looking forward to. there are so many more things i want to do, other important people i want to hug and never let go of and things i haven’t thought of yet but adding to this list fills me with such joy.

i can’t wait to do all this and more. before i go back to being the people hating (but secretly people loving) person you all have come to know.

nothing lasts forever, this won’t either. we can do this.

sending all the love to wherever you are,

xoxo M

april, 2018

bonjour and hello to you, the reader of this post.

how are you? well i hope. is it just me or has april been another january? as in, it’s felt like it has lasted about 700 weeks. it is finally the end of the month which means i can use my favourite meme in this post because…

how am i? well, this month i’ve mainly spent it feeling like i’m in the way and a bit forgotten if i’m honest. which, i know sounds to most either

  1.  bratty
  2.  utterly ridiculous
  3.  a bit pathetic

the thing is, i know it is probably all of the above but it’s how i have been feeling. so shoot me, why don’t ya. it’s a feeling i’ve tried (unsuccessfully) to shake off. i know people are just very busy and that i am not the centre of their world. i know that cancelled plans and minimal communication is just a result of people being busy and having more important things taking up their time but it’s still how i’ve been feeling and i wont lie to you. and i wont apologise for it either because, as i’ve told many a person, you should never apologise for how you feel.

in a complete 180 i have also been feeling very inspired by all the marathon runners, both Brighton and London. how fantastic are they all? (answer: very)

our very own Teddy’s Tribe did it, raising a phenomenal amount of money in the process. the cheerleaders spent their time wandering around Brighton seafront (one of my favourite places in England, just FYI) sporting their Teddy’s Tribe Foundation T Shirts, and myself the chipped tooth and fat lip i gained courtesy of my nephew on the train down there.

hero of the month

celebrity

Jameela Jamil

i have followed Jameela for what feels like years now. i remember her presenting on T4 back in the day but i really started to love her when i started reading her columns in Glamour magazine. at least i think it was Glamour, it might have been Cosmo, it was one of them. i loved how ballsy she was, i loved that she didn’t hold any prisoners, i loved that she had fucking opinions like a real person and not some puppet created by a PR company to give the generally acceptable answers that didn’t differ from the status quo.

in more recent times people will know her as Tahani in NBC’s ‘The Good Place’. holy forking shirtballs it’s good. it’s one of those shows that are very easy to watch.

she also runs two Instagram accounts, one of which is the reason she is my celebrity hero this month.

‘I Weigh’ is a movement. a movement that encourages people to see themselves as more than the number on the scale because that is only part, a small part, of what we are. it’s bloody fantastic.

personal

there isn’t one this month. sorry, i just generally hate everyone this month sooooo

book of the month

giving myself a pat on the back because i read not one, not two but THREE books this month.

learning more about people April edition was : Patti Smith – Just Kids

what a story. a story of friendship, love and survival. a story based in one of the best cities in the world – NYC. a story that shows that success is not an overnight job for anyone. hard work is rewarded. a beautiful read that i would highly recommend.

Joanna Nadin – The Queen of Bloody Everything

a novel. this was sent to me for freee (i love it when that happens). i had to read it and then give my feedback on it. what i loved about this is that, whilst it was a love story, the main love story wasn’t based on romantic love but rather parental. the main relationship was between a mother and daughter – and we all know how complicated they can be.

Dolly Alderton – Everything I Know about Love

now this was supposed to be my ‘learn more about other people: May edition’ book but i read it in one day. so i need a new book for may, if you have any suggestions then send them to me.

my friend Amy, upon seeing i was reading this, said to me she wants to start a cult of dolly. well, Amy, sign me up. i devoured this book. every 20 something woman needs it.

i also realised after i finished that i always seem drawn to people and the stories of people that aren’t necessarily traditional. a lot of the biographies i read the people have made royal cock ups, or have had their hearts shattered, or have some form of mental illness. they’ve experienced the very worst of what life can give you, felt terribly alone, or like a failure, like they’ve been left behind but have lived to tell the tale. their stories fill me with hope and a sense of calm. they make me feel less alone, i guess.

soundtrack to the month.

there have been three songs on repeat for me across this month.

patti smith – because the night

anne-marie – 2002

chris lane – take back home girl.

bad joke of the month

this got me giggling this month

food of the month

i’ve been enjoying yoghurt pouches like the 5 year old i am and also, lots of tea and biscuits. as lent finished i’ve been making up for lost time. oh and MARMITE CHEESE. my mouth is watering just writing that. motherforking shirt balls, it’s delicious.

realisation of the month

i will always have a love-hate relationship with people. they fascinate me, but they also piss me right off.

april 2018

i’ve been thinking a lot about stories this month. everyone’s life is a story and we try to write it simply as beginning – middle – end but perhaps we have it wrong. perhaps our stories aren’t as simple as that. perhaps they are lots of little stories that each has their own beginning –middle – end. maybe the people we meet are who make up the chapters. maybe we need to let go of the role we think people play in our stories to see the role they really play. i’m sure i’ve played the heroine in some, the villain in others. i’m sure i have hurt people in ways i can never make up for even though it hurts to admit that. perhaps my ability to face the things i don’t want to, the things i convinced myself i wasn’t strong enough to make me the hero of some stories, perhaps it makes me the hero of my own story. the character i play in other people’s lives, the role i’m cast in is not mine to decide, really. some chapters, no matter how much time passes, will still be painful to revisit, as painful as they were when they came to an end. these chapters will mean we actively avoid things; places, foods, movies and music because they remind us of that pain and reliving some stories are too painful. at least for now. one day we’ll gain those things back – sure, deep down we’ll hear that song and remember that person that broke our heart, or that friend that let us down, but one day, we’ll be able to claim back those things and rewrite their meaning in our chapters, in our stories. at least that’s what i’m hoping.

happy may, friends.

be good. to yourselves and others.

xoxo micks