What would you do?

Location: Starbucks con iced Americano

Listening to: Little Big Town – Better Man

 

Week 4. I’m late with this one but I have spent the majority of the last week laying in bed and thinking about what I have done, so forgive me. No regrets though. I have realised that I am definitely bad at being unemployed and that I need something to get out of bed for besides to make my next cup of tea (or coffee, I blame Gilmore Girls for that). I have pulled my butt out of, not just my bed but also, my HOUSE. I KNOW. ALL THE HIGH FIVES AND GOLD STARS FOR ME. I’m out in the world for realsies. How did that happen? I made it to my local Starbucks (oh hai all my fellow basics) to interact with the human race and write.

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YAY ME.

So, today’s topic is one that I have toyed with writing about for a little while now. It is a bit of sensitive subject but one that is very relevant to me right now. I have bent a lot of people’s ears about this topic to help me decide what to do. This woman is definitely not an island.

 

 

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU DON’T LIKE YOUR FRIEND’S BOYFRIEND/ GIRLFRIEND?

 

Seriously? It is such a tricky situation to be in. I like the other half; I just don’t like them for my friend. Now, disclaimer, I may be completely biased in what I am about to write BUT I think that all my friends are beautiful gems that deserve the world so this post comes from a good place. Regardless of my personal relationships, everyone deserves a relationship in which they are put first most of the time. Or so I think. Why would you be in a relationship with someone who puts you second, even third on his or her list of priorities? Taking my princess crown off and taking a shot of reality, I understand that no one is anyone’s number 1 100% of the time because…well… life. Things get in the way, work becomes stressful and needs more energy, family and friends demand attention too but overall your significant other should be your number one, no? (Until you have kids and then you’re eternally bumped to number 2 but that’s how it should be, don’t you think?) I struggle being around one person 24/7 so it’s definitely not about having your S/O there for you at the drop of a hat, we all need our own lives so we don’t wind up feeling suffocated and isolated. It is about factoring your S/O into your decision-making, about doing things that THEY want to do too so they feel valued. Spending time with THEIR family and THEIR friends too because it’s not just you anymore.

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I have had conversations with both real life friends, online friends (HELLO LADYGANGERS) and as of an hour ago, complete strangers. From my discussions it is a more common situation than I’d first thought and, like most things, everyone has an opinion on what to do.

MY biggest problem is keeping my mouth shut – as my darling Momma Sophs said to me a couple of weeks ago “The thing I like the most about Michaela…. What you see is what you get. She doesn’t bullshit you, she’s the one to go to when you need tough love in a nice way”

“Sometimes my greatest achievement is keeping my mouth shut”

I’d say that’s a pretty accurate statement – I like to think I tell people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. My current dilemma is this – when this friend comes to me with relationship gripes, do I make it known how I feel? Do I tell her that I think her other half doesn’t value her, do I tell her that she seems to be doing all the giving and none of the taking? Do I have the right to do that as her friend? Or do I keep my big hooter out? I understand being an outsider that I will never know 100% what their relationship is like – I’m not in it, I do not know what goes on behind closed doors – but I have seen them together enough, heard enough stories (both good and bad) to create my own opinion. Is it my place to say that, whilst I think she is happy, I think she could be happier?

 

I don’t pretend to be an expert on relationships – Lord knows I have been single since before the war and can only seem to attract men that are already in relationships these days, but that’s another story for another day – but one thing this time being a single pringle has allowed me is to evaluate (ok, judge) other people and their relationships and what I WANT and NEED from my future relationship(s). I have watched friends fall in and out of toxic relationships, seen them happily plod along with something because it was better than being alone. I’ve seen friends settle because they were too scared to go after something better.

 

The general consensus from my advice seeking about what to do in this dilemma has been to keep my mouth shut because it could shake the foundations of our friendship and leave it un-repairable – let her make her own mistakes, it’s her life to live. If she decides that this is what she wants you need to respect that. He has never been abusive to her; she says she is happy so leave it. It just hurts my heart to watch someone so incredible, who means so much to me, give so much of herself to someone who doesn’t seem to give AF about her in the way she does about them. It really hurts my heart.

Like I say, this person is not a bad person, I can hang out with them quite easily, I just have my doubts on their intentions and their behaviours.

 

What would you do in my situation? HELP ME.

 

XOXO

 

Micks

Tattoos are like Marmite.

Tattoos are a bit like marmite. You either love them or hate them. I have 6 tattoos now so clearly I love them.

The reasons for getting (or not) getting tattoos are different for everybody. For me, my tattoos represent me and things I’ve done/ gone through and what is important to me; they are a little extension of me if you like.

Of course, everyone has opinions on tattoos especially my parents. My mum always looks at me with a puzzled look on her face that says “but, why?” whereas my dad normally looks at it and then stays quiet. Neither of my sisters have tattoos so I guess I am the alternative child; the one that decides to permanently scar their body with inkings. Over the years my parents have got used to it, my dad recently said to me (after I got another piercing a few weeks back) “any day you don’t come home with a tattoo on your face is a good day” – that my friends, is the closest I’ve come to acceptance of my ways from dad, baby steps and all that 🙂

 

Everyone has opinions on my tattoos and my general response is something along these lines….

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I get it though, I understand that people don’t understand.

As I said before, my tattoos are a little extension of me, so here I explain what they are, where they are, and why I got them.

 

Stars

 

This tattoo is the closest I have come to regretting getting one. I don’t regret it, because at the time it was what I wanted and, as Charlie said today, “What’s the point in regretting something, it’s already done”. The only reason I want to get this changed ( the idea is already in my head, I just need to book it) is because it doesn’t mean anything to me. I was 18 and wanted a tattoo, that’s why I got it and, now, for me that’s not a good enough reason so I’m going to cover it with something that does mean something to me.

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Treble Clef

 

Growing up I was a big performing arts geek. I was in all the productions, all the choirs, went to the after school dance classes. All that jazz. In fact, when I was in secondary school Choir was my favourite part of the week, singing and music has always been my best form of therapy. Even now you can’t shut me up. I am that annoying person that turns what you say into a song #notsorry. So this tattoo represents that. It represents my love of all things musical, and the epic epic times I shared with my fellow stage kids.

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Passport Stamp

This one is one of my personal favourites. My parents had slightly different reactions – my dad said, and I quote, “Is she f*cking mental?”.

Those of you that know me well will know myself and one of my best friends (Jade) took three months out in 2013 and travelled together across the states, in an RV (with Dale accompanying us from Cali -> Florida).

We saw so much that summer, did so much, there was no way we couldn’t commemorate it. We had spoken for years about getting a matching travel based tattoo because we had travelled so much over Europe together and we toyed with the idea of planes, paper airplanes, maps, globes…you name something travel related, we probably discussed it. Then, one day, we were sitting in a bar with Dale and his pals, and it popped into (I think it was my) head. Finally after 3 years, we’d decided. Wink, one of Dale’s friends, recommended a tattooist to us and the next day we booked it, the day after we got inked.

 

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And no, the WT doesn’t meant “White Trash” as Byng suggested.

Roman Numerals 

 

This one was about commemorating my brother. He would have been 5 years older, but unfortunately he was still born. Now I believe very much in spirits and tarots and all that jazz ,(I don’t believe that when you die ‘that’s it’; I believe there is more to all this than that.) and I have been told by 2 separate people (one that I know, one that I didn’t) that my brother is my guardian angel. So I decided to get his birthday – 28th November – tattooed on my shoulder as a shout out to him and him being my guardian angel; sitting on my shoulder looking after me. This is also the ONLY tattoo I’ve got that my parents had nothing bad to say about; it was for their son after all.

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28/11 

 

PAL

 

My second matching tattoo; this time with my BFF Mark. Mark is one of my favourite people in the world. We met at uni through a mutual friend and after living together for a year in 3rd year we realised we were kindred spirits and have been stuck together ever since – I’m not sure who drew the short straw there. We call each other ‘pal’, never by our real names. If we real name each other it’s serious you know, like when your mum ‘full names’ you, you know shit just got real. So we decided to each write out ‘Pal’ and get it tattooed on us, I have Mark’s handwriting, he has mine. The strangest thing was we’d both decided where we wanted to get it separately and when we told each other it was the same place – on the inner ankle. Mine is on my left ankle, his on his right.

 

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PAL. ( I tried to get my Star Wars socks in on the action but I couldn’t get the angle right) 

Semi colon.

 

My third matching tattoo and the newest ink in my collection. This one matches with my girl Charlie. Both of us have suffered with anxiety and depression and we have been ill at the same time with it. Having someone who is going through it at the same as you can make you feel a little less alone, at least it did me. Depression is one of those illnesses that, unless you’ve had it, you can’t really understand it so having someone else who understands the ups and downs and has lived it themselves is priceless. The semi colon represents our joint battle with ‘the craziness’ as we call it. When writing you can either end the sentence with a full stop or use a semi colon to carry it on. Depression is the same. At it’s worst you can be overcome with the urge to hurt yourself, and in some cases commit suicide (the full stop), or you can get help and try to get better and carry on (the semi colon). I’m pleased to say both Charlie and I are carrying on.

 

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Still a bit sore, but I already love it and everything it represents.

 

 

It is true what they say; tattoos are addictive. I already have another 3 planned plus a cover up of the stars. I love a good tattoo. Clearly.

What do you think of tattoos? Would you ever get one?

Ink on, man. Ink on! (No I don’t know what that means, it just came out)

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Micks

xoxox

 

P.S if you don’t already, you need to watch Tattoo Fixers on E4. Hilarious stories behind awful tattoos and there are 3 incredible tattooists/artists on the show. The receptionist Paisley is just an added bonus; she is a little firecracker and I love her sass.