The year of 27.

Where I am: my bed

Listening to : Paramore ‘After Laughter’

Wassup dawgggss!!

WHAT A YEAR. Next week marks 3 years since I started sharing my word vomit with the world. It is also my 28th birthday. I seem to have made a tradition for myself in sharing lists around this time of year – normally things I’ve learnt. This year though I am going to share 27 things I loved about being 27; it’s a great way to say goodbye to my 27th year.

I started 27 off the saddest and have ended up the happiest. Life will throw all sorts of things your way but it makes you tougher, it makes you funnier (we all know I’m hilarious) and it makes the good times exponentially more magical.

So here it is, 27 things I loved about being 27.

I SAW PAUL MCCARTNEY AND RINGO STARR IN THE FLESH

I just so happened to be in Leicester square the same time they were. I was going to the theatre, they were there premiering their movie ‘Eight Days a Week’. I had to jump to see them, but I did. Be still my beating heart.

PRAHA

Since 2010 I have wanted to visit this magical city. An old friend had studied there for a year and his tales made me want to go. This year I did. Leanna turned 21, so we made a special trip. Such fun.

ARLO RALPH BOULTER

Nuff’ said

I FELL IN LOVE WITH MY OTHER 2 NEPHEWS EVEN MORE

Oscar has been the main man since 20/11/2011. He is the best kid, I laugh so much when I’m with him. I could cry with pride at the person he is becoming.

Mason-James – we started the year hating each other. We finished it as best friends. He is the dreamiest little guy.

I WAS VERY BRITISH AND HAD AFTERNOON TEA AT THE RITZ

Momma Sophs asked to go for her birthday so that’s what we did. I was far too common to be allowed in a place like that but I somehow managed to sneak in.

FRIENDS FEST

Naughty Norman made it happen last minute. I love that girl and loved that day.

OK LADIES NOW LET’S GET IN FORMATION

Beyonce pt 2. Croke Park, Dublin. Ain’t no party like a Queen B party.

NICK THE TIGER WAS IMMORTALISED ON MY WRIST

Many of you know we lost our boy Nick Lashaway in May 2016. This is my tribute to him.

I HAD A MENTAL BREAKDOWN

I liked this, huh? Well, yes. It gave me clarity, a different outlook and a better direction. As a result of this…

I LEARNT WHO WAS TRULY RIDE-OR-DIE

And who is ‘ride until you do something I don’t like/agree with’

THE BOOK OF MORMON

I’d read the reviews, I’d seen snippets on Youtube but was yet to go. Was it worth the wait? Abso-fuckin-lutely. Hilarious, I laughed from the opening number right through to the finale.

CLIMBED THE 02

Miranda and Stevie had a little day out. Such fun!

I FELT THE LOVE

When I needed it most, even when I didn’t ask for it, I felt the love from my pals. When I felt like I was free-falling and couldn’t find solid ground they were there at the side saying ‘It’s right here’. Biggest shout outs go to Sophie, Leanna, Dalbs, Rachpal and the BFG.

HELSINKI

I finally got to go and see my bro and his hoe in their city.

ICE HOCKEY GAME

Y’all know I have lots of friends in the US of A. The only American sport I was really interested in was Ice Hockey. It may have taken 4 years but I finally got to a game. Thanks, Wilf!

I REALISED YOU DON’T HAVE TO RUN AWAY TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE

What is probably obvious to some was not so to me. I felt very stuck this time last year. Very unhappy with an injured heart. An old dream came back to me and I thought it would change everything. Until I realised it wouldn’t and the dream had changed. I was running away. It’s not necessary.

DISNEY

The most magical day.

DIANE ALICE LORRAINE GOT BOOKFACE

Many of you will not understand the significance of this. It’s HUGE..

I CAME OFF MY HAPPY PILLS

Happy pill free since Aug ’16.

I REDISCOVERED MY LOVE FOR MY WORK

It feels different this time; I’m so much happier. Sure there are still days I want to put my head through a wall but overall it’s all gravy baby.

INDIA WITH MIRANDA AND STEVIE

So this is happening. Our boss authorized us to be off at the same time saying “Please both come back in one piece as I can’t be down two store managers”
Michelle “Oh I’ll be fine but if she pisses me off too much I might sell her for a camel”
Charming.

FRIENDS AND FOOD

I found those friends that find it acceptable to eat dinner in one place and then go somewhere else for dessert. Hashtag winning. Next time we’re going 3 for 3 – starter, main and dessert at separate places.

DELETE

If anything is too much effort, delete. This goes for everything from Social Media (see ya, twitter) to friends.

NEW FRIENDS

I’ve spoken about this before but this year I made some new pals, ones that I wasn’t looking to make but now I wouldn’t be without them. Big up yourselves.

NICK LASHAWAY DAY

It was magical from start to finish and the most perfect way to remember him, big love to my American Fam for including me. I’m sure he would have been rolling his eyes at all the fuss haha.

ACCEPTANCE

The road to self love, and accepting yourself is a long one. I’d been unhappy for a long time. This year I feel like I have accepted myself more. It will no doubt always be a battle for me but I feel like I’ve made my biggest leaps down that road this year.

I LOVE LIFE

For someone that was unhappy for so long this is a big statement to make. 27 will always be the year that I fell back in love with life, I’m excited for the future.

Final thoughts:

Make the most of every single second. Be nice to people. Never go to bed on an argument and never mix your drinks!!

Thank you to anyone and everyone that has impacted my life in the last year, thank you to those I have learnt from. Thank you to those friends that have been there for the good and the bad, I am lucky enough to call some of the best people on the planet my friends. Thank you all for believing in me and seeing my light when I couldn’t see it myself (Amy Jayne, especially you here. You never stop telling me). I’m not quite sure what I’ve done to deserve you all but I am so grateful. I’m going into 28 with so much joy and gratitude in my heart.
Thanks for the adventures. Thanks for the laughs (Byng, especially you. Please never, ever change)

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

It’s been magic!!

Xoxo Micks

The one where Elsa was the inspiration.

How often have you heard the phrase ‘let it go’?

Not including all the times you sang along with Elsa, obvs. How many times in life do we tell ourselves, and the others around us to ‘let it go’?

When you’re having a bad day, life is getting you down it seems to be people’s go to phrase.

“Let it go”.

It’s a great message in theory – accept life and situations for what they are, some things cannot be changed. There is definitely an argument for it being a cornerstone of a happy life.

I just have one problem.

It’s hard.

It’s really fucking hard.

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When we’re being asked, or told, to let go of something, it’s usually something (or someone) we’re very passionate about, something we’re deeply connected to. It almost seems like we’re being told to forget about the past – forget about the person or event we’re connected to. Letting go is something very, very different to forgetting though.

If we’re all honest, we all have things we need to let go of. Myself included. If anyone reading this can so “no, I don’t” then I’m really very jealous.

As I previously said, it’s really hard to let go. It takes a lot of work on our part. We have to really look at the situation and work out what it is we’re attached to. Is it really the person or event? Or is it how it made us feel? Is it idea of them and/or it?

Only when we’ve been really honest can we start the process of letting go. When we let go of what’s holding us back and whatever is tying us to the situation then the healing can begin.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us” said someone, somewhere at sometime. I know, it’s cliché af and basic but there is actually some truth in it.

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We need stop over thinking everything. We need to stop projecting how we think the future is going to pan out – that doesn’t mean don’t have goals, don’t have drive and ambition – it means get rid of that image in your head of how you think it will be, get rid of the “I’ll be happy when…” phrase.

If you’re on the “things should be this way for me to be happy train” GET OFF NOW; you have reached your final destination.

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Staying fixated on how you think your life should be not only stops us from letting go but also stops us from appreciating what we have now – we all know I’m a big believer in gratitude.

The reality is, and I know it’s hard to hear at times, and even harder to accept, everything at this time is exactly as it should be.

 

Learning to let go of things that aren’t bringing us happiness will free up energy, time and resources and we can begin to reap the benefits of that. We can put it towards things that are productive, that will make a positive difference and have real, impactful change in our lives.

Let’s all make like Elsa – it’s time to let it go.

 I’ll try my best to do so if you do too.

Pinky promise?

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A letter to the heartbroken.

To my friend that is heartbroken,

There isn’t really anything that I can say that will make you feel better right now. Heartbreak and heartaches are shit. There is no sugar-coating that. It fucking sucks. It reeeeeeeeally fucking sucks. It doesn’t matter whether the relationship was a healthy one, it doesn’t matter how long you were together, it doesn’t matter how it ended… heartbreak is heartbreak. What matters is that you allow yourself time to heal. Whether the heartbreak is fresh in the last week, or whether it happened 6 months ago, don’t feel that you have to rush to get over it – we all heal at different rates. There is no timeline to get over someone. You just have to ride it out.

One thing I have learnt during MY heartaches is this – you need to feel it. Distractions are ok for a while but eventually the hurt will catch up with you and then you’ll hate yourself for still being upset over something that you had fooled everyone else (and possibly even yourself) in to thinking you were over. You’re allowed to be hurt. You’re allowed to cry. You’re allowed to have days where you stay in bed and bury your face in your palms getting lost in memories of happier times, all whilst you search for the answers you may never get. You’re allowed to feel like you will never laugh again, like you will never love again. You’re allowed to be hurt, upset, confused and all of that. It’s ok not to be ok. Anyone that tells you any different is wrong.

Remember in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows when Ron is a total douchebag and leaves Harry and Hermione? He was allowed to be a douchebag because he had a horcrux around his neck – the boy you were with did not. He was a douchebag because he is a douchebag and honey, douchebags like that don’t change. Please don’t stop seeing the magic in the world. More importantly, don’t stop seeing the magic in you – there is so much that is special about you.

When you ARE happy again (and you will be happy again, promise) you will look back at the hard times and be thankful for where you are now and how you got there. No one is without hard times and heartache, no one. Own your hard times, life is made up of them and what we do with them is what matters. You might not see the day now but I promise that one day you’ll get into bed at night and realise that you haven’t cried all day, that will turn into a week, then a month. It will be then that you will realise you’re going to be ok and that will be a great day (one that we can celebrate with tequila).

I have also come to learn that nothing is taken away without being replaced. I don’t mean that you will have a new love interest straight away (maybe you will, who knows?) but you will have something. Maybe right now you are not supposed to be in a relationship with anyone else but yourself. Maybe it’s time to replace your love for him, with love for you. Perhaps this is your time to find yourself independently from anyone else and you’re meant to enjoy it for what it is. Your time, for you. Time to remember how fucking rad you are! How much you have to offer the world! Not a bad replacement if you ask me. Building a life that is different from the one you had planned out for yourself is scary, but also exciting. Who knows what adventures life will take you on now – embrace the uncertainty. If you don’t know where you’re going, you can’t get lost!

I can’t promise you that there will be no more heartbreak for you in the future but I can promise this. – I will be there.

I will be there to sit with you in silence whilst you cry.

I will be on the end of the phone whilst you wonder out loud for the seventieth time if you could have done something different so that things didn’t end the way they did.

My friend Tequila and I will be there on the nights you want to just forget about the hurt in your heart and laugh and dance as if you hadn’t a care in the world.

I will be there when you decide you’ve done enough crying and you are ready to pick yourself and your heart up and try again.

I will be there when you realise that pain will always be a memory, but that memories aren’t always painful.

I will be there when the sun finally comes through the clouds and you start to really smile and laugh again. On the days the sun fades I will be there to dance in the rain with you.

When you get to the stage when you can smile at the past and flirt with the future… you got it, I’ll be there.

Remember, your laughter tastes better than your tears and time really does heal all wounds. Make that your mantra. Time heals. Time heals. Time heals.

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I can’t wait for the day when you turn to me and say, “I can’t believe me and my little ole heart survived that”; because I know you can do it. We all do. We all know you have it in you; you just need to believe you do too.

I promise you that you WILL get over this, no matter how long it takes.

When you’re ready, your new life will be waiting for you and it will be more than you ever dreamed it could be.

Go get it, gurl!

 

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