feeling the love

oh hey.

it’s 6am in LA. I can’t sleep. so y’all are getting a post (2 in as many days #sorrynotsorry)

so, quick background on where i’m staying and who i’m staying with.

one of my best friends from university (hey, Jade) is from LA. Her mom (Momma Sophs) dad (Wilf) and god mom (Lisa) all live together in a beautiful house (her dad did a beaut of a job on it, he’s so talented). I’m staying with / visiting them. Jade isn’t here- she lives in Finland with her fella. My Irish pal is here too, though. I know, I know… it’s complicated.

i’ve know Jade for 9 years nearly, and her folks for maybe 6/7 of those. They have all known me during my struggles with depression and anxiety, they housed me for a summer so Jade and I could road trip west coast >> east, they housed me this January  when I had my breakdown over going to Australia or not. 

they know me well.

they know not to talk to me in the morning because I’m grumpy. They know I’m pretty laid back about most things – one of the reasons Jades mom likes to travel with me. They know I can be a sarcastic little shite. They know I’m obsessed with music; if I’m not listening to it, I’m reading about it. If I’m not reading about it, I’m singing. 

when I come here to visit it feels like a home from home. I feel so relaxed, there’s no pretense, no bullshit. 

they remind me that friends really are the family we choose for ourselves. I think to myself on every trip how did I luck out and meet Jade and then gain an extra family? a family that is genuinely concerned for my wellbeing.

yesterday morning I was in the kitchen and Momma Sophs and I had this conversation 

S “Oh I’m glad you’re here by yourself, I wanted to talk to you alone”

M “ok, whats up?”

S “are you ok, sweetie? You’re not feeling anxious, your depression hasn’t come back?”

M “no, I’m ok at the moment. Maybe a bit anxious with work but I’m fine”

S ” ok good, I just wanted to check because you’ve been really quiet this whole trip and I was really worried”

DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY AND LOVED I FELT WALKING AWAY FROM THAT CONVERSATION? 

Having conversations like that with anyone that has a history of mental illness is so, SO important. 

Knowing someone is looking out for you… priceless. 

This email from the universe is true 

I’m feeling the love 

Xoxo micks 

A letter to the heartbroken.

To my friend that is heartbroken,

There isn’t really anything that I can say that will make you feel better right now. Heartbreak and heartaches are shit. There is no sugar-coating that. It fucking sucks. It reeeeeeeeally fucking sucks. It doesn’t matter whether the relationship was a healthy one, it doesn’t matter how long you were together, it doesn’t matter how it ended… heartbreak is heartbreak. What matters is that you allow yourself time to heal. Whether the heartbreak is fresh in the last week, or whether it happened 6 months ago, don’t feel that you have to rush to get over it – we all heal at different rates. There is no timeline to get over someone. You just have to ride it out.

One thing I have learnt during MY heartaches is this – you need to feel it. Distractions are ok for a while but eventually the hurt will catch up with you and then you’ll hate yourself for still being upset over something that you had fooled everyone else (and possibly even yourself) in to thinking you were over. You’re allowed to be hurt. You’re allowed to cry. You’re allowed to have days where you stay in bed and bury your face in your palms getting lost in memories of happier times, all whilst you search for the answers you may never get. You’re allowed to feel like you will never laugh again, like you will never love again. You’re allowed to be hurt, upset, confused and all of that. It’s ok not to be ok. Anyone that tells you any different is wrong.

Remember in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows when Ron is a total douchebag and leaves Harry and Hermione? He was allowed to be a douchebag because he had a horcrux around his neck – the boy you were with did not. He was a douchebag because he is a douchebag and honey, douchebags like that don’t change. Please don’t stop seeing the magic in the world. More importantly, don’t stop seeing the magic in you – there is so much that is special about you.

When you ARE happy again (and you will be happy again, promise) you will look back at the hard times and be thankful for where you are now and how you got there. No one is without hard times and heartache, no one. Own your hard times, life is made up of them and what we do with them is what matters. You might not see the day now but I promise that one day you’ll get into bed at night and realise that you haven’t cried all day, that will turn into a week, then a month. It will be then that you will realise you’re going to be ok and that will be a great day (one that we can celebrate with tequila).

I have also come to learn that nothing is taken away without being replaced. I don’t mean that you will have a new love interest straight away (maybe you will, who knows?) but you will have something. Maybe right now you are not supposed to be in a relationship with anyone else but yourself. Maybe it’s time to replace your love for him, with love for you. Perhaps this is your time to find yourself independently from anyone else and you’re meant to enjoy it for what it is. Your time, for you. Time to remember how fucking rad you are! How much you have to offer the world! Not a bad replacement if you ask me. Building a life that is different from the one you had planned out for yourself is scary, but also exciting. Who knows what adventures life will take you on now – embrace the uncertainty. If you don’t know where you’re going, you can’t get lost!

I can’t promise you that there will be no more heartbreak for you in the future but I can promise this. – I will be there.

I will be there to sit with you in silence whilst you cry.

I will be on the end of the phone whilst you wonder out loud for the seventieth time if you could have done something different so that things didn’t end the way they did.

My friend Tequila and I will be there on the nights you want to just forget about the hurt in your heart and laugh and dance as if you hadn’t a care in the world.

I will be there when you decide you’ve done enough crying and you are ready to pick yourself and your heart up and try again.

I will be there when you realise that pain will always be a memory, but that memories aren’t always painful.

I will be there when the sun finally comes through the clouds and you start to really smile and laugh again. On the days the sun fades I will be there to dance in the rain with you.

When you get to the stage when you can smile at the past and flirt with the future… you got it, I’ll be there.

Remember, your laughter tastes better than your tears and time really does heal all wounds. Make that your mantra. Time heals. Time heals. Time heals.

screen-shot-2017-02-15-at-21-01-20

I can’t wait for the day when you turn to me and say, “I can’t believe me and my little ole heart survived that”; because I know you can do it. We all do. We all know you have it in you; you just need to believe you do too.

I promise you that you WILL get over this, no matter how long it takes.

When you’re ready, your new life will be waiting for you and it will be more than you ever dreamed it could be.

Go get it, gurl!

 

cropped-fullsizerender-5.jpg

 

#100HAPPYDAYS

#100daysofhappy. #100happydays. #100daysofhappiness. Happy happy happy.

I have recently started doing the 100 days of happy challenge on social media which, on day 12, I am sure some people are already bored of seeing, the rest of you wait on tenterhooks for my daily postings, don’t you? You little loves. I always knew I liked you.

This trend has got some stick for making people look at ‘boring’ posts on social media, that whilst the challenge has great intentions it should be kept private as those that dreamt it up state on their website state it is ‘for you’ and social media is just that – social. No one wants to see the daily pictures or posts of things that have made you happy – because no one else cares that seeing your friend for dinner or starting that book made you happy. You know what I say to those people? STOP BEING A PARTY POOPER.

Frank in ‘Father of the Bride II’ (what? It’s a cool film!!) taught us all that every party has a pooper but on this one occasion, this one time, I am taking a stand. NO PARTY POOPERS ALLOWED. If you don’t like people like me posting what you consider boring and mundane things that make us smile then, honey, hit that unfollow/unfriend button because I’d rather you left this party than sat there in the corner being a bitter Becky about it; even if you have got good hair.

Different people have different reasons for starting the challenge. A lot of people have spoken about wanting to see more positivity on social media, some have started because they don’t feel they have time to be thankful or happy so this gives them that time, and some people have done it just for the craic. Me? I did it because I needed to check myself. Honestly, I needed a lesson in gratitude. I am being pulled in a lot of different directions at the moment (I know, I know boohoo) and I was beginning to feel bitter and begrudge giving people my time and energy. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone for a year or two so I could catch up on my sleep and get back to feeling semi-healthy. I was exhausted, suffering with nausea and awful dizziness that just wouldn’t budge. I was becoming the previously described party pooper. Those friends that really needed me, it became something of a chore to be there for them – something that I hate to admit but it was the truth. I only wanted to see a select few people. Most of who live nowhere near me then when I realised this I became annoyed about this.

My darling Linda was trying to help me from her home in LA LA with remedies for dizziness and reminded me of the book she gifted me a year or so back called ‘The Magic’. The basic premise of the book is that thoughts become things; you need to take a moment each day to be thankful for what you have. The more you are thankful, the more good things come your way. Gratitude is the key to a happy life. I had originally opened the book to look at the health chapter but quickly realised that it wasn’t just my health that needed a look at. My attitude did too. The negative attitude I had recently copped wasn’t helping anyone and that I needed a serious lesson in gratitude. Just like anyone else I get tired and snappy and am not a joy to be around – normally that was restricted to early mornings and late nights but somehow it had spilled over to all day, everyday. I wanted this to change; I will always try and choose positive over negative and pessimistic people are my least favourite people. People that constantly feel sorry for themselves and feel the world owes them something are the absolute worst. So how had I become one of them? How would I change it?

That was when I recalled seeing various friends’ previously posting #100happydays and decided to Google it, twenty minutes later I was on the mailing list and had planned to start the next day.

That was just under two weeks ago and you know what, it’s worked! 12 days in and I am already feeling lighter in myself, getting back to where I need to be so I can be the best version of myself and live my best life with the people who mean the most to me. I’m feeling much more sociable, less sorry for myself but still as sleepy. Hey, some things never change. Once a sleepyhead, always a sleepyhead.

screen-shot-2016-10-07-at-22-59-23

HERE’S TO THE NEXT 88 DAYS OF HAPPY.

Xoxo

Micks

p.s let me know your ‘happy’ moment from today

p.p.s 100happydays.com is the site you need if you want to start it yourself. HAPPY POSTING

 

 

 

 

The one with the ‘Charmed’ life lessons

So, I’m just finished re-watching ‘Charmed’ – all 8 series – and I still love it now as much as I did when I discovered it in year 9 (ish) at school. The idea that magic existed had just been thrown into the mainstream by J.K Rowling and the Hogwarts lot the year before Charmed made it’s TV debut.

This was a different kind of magic though, sure there was still spells and potions but there were no wands, broomsticks or cloaks. It was brought into the ‘real world’ making the battle between good and evil, the sisters trying to balance mortal life with supernatural life in the battle for the greater good; 3 sisters in a battle to save innocents from the various evils of the world. As the youngest of 3 sisters you can imagine what my vivid imagination and I were dreaming up.

I have enjoyed it as much as normal but this time around I took something different from it. Ordinarily I take the episodes at face value, and because I don’t normally marathon-watch them, I hadn’t seen the subtle messages that underlie the series, and who can blame me? Not only was I teenage and not looking for ‘deeper’ messages, when you were watching it just once a week – with months between seasons – it’s easy to miss. This time though, I found some constant themes that really resonated with me, and make me think. We all know that is a dangerous thing because it normally results in a blog….oops!

  1. Wanting a ‘normal’ life doesn’t make you selfish.

Throughout all the seasons of the show we see the sisters struggle with balancing their work for the ‘greater good’ and their want of a ‘normal’ life. This is a common topic of conversation after (spoiler alert!) Prue dies at the end of Season 3. At this point the focus is on Piper a lot with her trying to have the marriage, career and children whilst fighting demons on a weekly basis. She becomes tired of the juggling act. This want for a ‘normal’ life comes to a head at the end of season 7 and season 8.

What these episodes teach us is this: wanting a ‘normal’ life does not make you a selfish person. It makes you human. You may have an obligation to someone or something, a job, a situation or, like the sisters, an obligation to help people but only you can decide where to draw the line. If you can no longer give your whole self to it because your priorities have changed – as is quite natural as we get older – that is ok. Sometimes you have to put yourself first.

  1. SISTER-SISTER

There is no bond on earth greater than that of sisters. If you have a sister or a sister-like person in your life, you will know it’s an unbreakable bond. Even though they piss you off, and know every way to annoy you, you’d still not be without them. It’s like, I can trash talk my sisters as much as I want but if you join in or do it, you better run for cover ‘cause I will bust a cap in yo’ ass. You know what I mean?

Charmed showed us the power of this bond on-screen before we even realised it ourselves. Their sisters unit was tested time and time again and it never faulted, or if it did, it came back as quickly as it went – their magic became even more powerful when they banded together as ‘The Power of Three’. Irving Berlin once wrote “Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister…” he was definitely on to something there.

3. Real life relationships are not like fairy tales

Disney, I’m looking at you here! Hollywood, you also have a lot to answer for. Girls grow up with the ‘happily ever after’ notion in their head – you can’t blame us, we’re force fed it from a young age. Charmed however, portrayed all the relationships honestly (except maybe the time when Piper fell in love with a Ghost, that might be a bit of a stretch).

There were many great love affairs throughout the season, the biggest (and arguably best) one was Piper and Leo. It was never black and white, it was never easy, they both had to make sacrifices to make it work, they overcame huge hurdles, at times you thought those hurdles would be the end of them. It was completely realistic, and heartbreaking at times, to watch the way their individual stories tore them apart. It was completely heartwarming and uplifting seeing when they were then brought them back together.

Prue and Andy showed us that real love always come back around, and that when you love someone giving your life for them is not a real sacrifice. They showed us that it is normal to be scared, it is normal to be scared of being vulnerable, but when you overcome that it can be the best thing in the world. They showed us that sometimes loving each other isn’t enough to keep you together.
Phoebe and Cole showed us that some love is steamy and passionate, captivating but that doesn’t always spell happily ever after. Phoebe craved that when she was young in the early seasons, age and experience taught her that what she really craved was a mature love – like the one she had with Coop.

Paige showed us that the end game you envisaged (Greg) doesn’t always work out, you can’t fix someone who doesn’t want to be fixed (Richard) and that you normally find true love in the most unexpected way (Henry).

  1. We all feel ‘lost’ from time to time

You see all the sisters go through this at some point. Hell, you even see the guys go through it too. Leo and Cole when they give up their powers, Paige when she is trying not to lose her identity after marrying Henry, Piper when Leo leaves (every time), Billie when she loses, finds and loses her sister, Phoebe when she loses her husband and… well pretty much the whole of seasons 1,2,3 and 4.
Out of all of these I love watching Phoebe’s fight through her twenties – she comes back from New York with nothing and is continually lost, trying to find her place in San Francisco, in the family, in the world. By season 8 she’s a grown ass woman (Beyoncé would be proud).

  1. I LOVE CUPID

I learnt this this time around. Cupid a.k.a Coop is completely lickable. I mean, just look at him..

Coop_(Charmed)

Of course there are other lessons in there, like don’t fall in love with the source of all evil, and you can always count on a demon to double cross you but I think these are the main ones, especially number 5. Number 5 is very important. Charmed is not only badass TV – if you’ve never watched it do it, it’s super-smashing-great! It also showed us that your life doesn’t have to be perfect for you to be happy. Happiness comes from accepting the things in life that you can’t control, and that we shouldn’t take for granted the amazing things that happen anyway.

Bless-ed be,

xoxo

Micks