i like to think i’m ok.

i’d like to apologise in advance if this post comes across as me fishing for compliments or me feeling sorry for myself but, like the girl in mean girls ‘i just have a lot of feelings’ and i wanted to share a bit. it’s been taking up a lot of my thoughts recently and i just need to get it off my chest.

i like to think i’m ok. i’m not the prettiest person nor do i have the perfect body. i’m not the nicest person. i’m moody. i get tired. i swear too much. i am not perfect but i like to think i am ok. i try to do my best at everything. i try my hardest to be a good friend, boss, family member. i try my hardest to be there for my everyone because i know what it’s like to feel completely alone. i’m more sensitive and emotional than a lot of people realise. i’m passionate. i have a lot of opinions. i try to educate myself on things before i give these opinions. i can be negative but i try to stay more positive than not. i’m shy and awkward. i like to think i am not judgemental but actually quite open to most people.

i like to think i am ok.

i endeavour to not make someone feel like shit because of who they are. recently i have been on the receiving end of behaviour like this and it has made me question if i have the right people in my life and if i have the respect for myself that i thought i had.

i’ve been thinking a lot about the people i surround myself with and how these people make me feel about myself. there is a great quote attributed to someone on the internet about ensuring that before you diagnose yourself with low self esteem and depression that you are not surrounded by assholes first.

the people we surround ourselves with are a reflection on how we see ourselves, why if i thought i was ok, would i surround myself with people who make comments about me, to me, that make me feel unloveable? that make me feel like i am too much hard work? that i am not worth the effort? i thought, with the end of university, i had rid myself of the ‘friends’ that only saw me as the less attractive, fatter, funny friend and only wanted me there to be an accessory to make them look better. i thought i’d rid myself of those people who weren’t my biggest cheerleaders – not that all my friends have to cheer me all the time, but part of being friends is being each others biggest cheerleaders, in whatever way you feel comfortable expressing it.

at 28 and a bit, i really thought all this shit would be dealt with but i guess, as Bowling For Soup so eloquently sang, ‘high school never ends’.

one thing all these thoughts and time wasted over thinking and being upset recently has made me realise though is that i need to make some changes. there really is a lesson in everything apparently.

why do life lessons always have to cause us so much shit?

answers to that one on a postcard, please

xoxo M

shantaram – pt.2

 I posted about the book Shantaram a few weeks back but due to my crazy I stopped reading, primarily because I could not concentrate on it nor lift my head off my pillow to read a sentence, let alone a page. I am still about half way through but am determined to finish it because, in case I didn’t mention it before, I adore this book.

 It never fails to amaze me just how powerful words when combined in the right way can be yet when we see them in a dictionary alone they seem powerless. We have to use them wisely because they can empower us but also destroy us.

I shared before some of my favourite passages from the story, but that was just the beginning. The more I read the more food for thought this story seems to give me.

Read on below to see some more words of wisdom.


I think suffering is a matter of choice. I think that we do not have to suffer anything in this life if we are strong enough to deny it. The strong man can master his feelings so completely that it is almost impossible to make him suffer. When we do suffer things, like and so, it means that we have lost control. So I will say that suffering is a human weakness.


Is it not true that some of our strength comes from suffering? That suffering hardship makes us stronger. That those of us who have never known a real hardship and true suffering cannot have the same strength as others who have suffered much?


I think that when we grow up and learn that happiness is rare, we become disillusioned and hurt. And how much we suffer is a mark of how much we have been hurt by this realization.


When we act, even with the best of intentions, when we interfere with the world, we always have a new disaster that mightn’t have been of our making, but that wouldn’t occur without our action.


Some of the worst wrongs were caused by people who tried to change things


The worse things that people do to us always make us feel ashamed. The worst things people do always strike at that part of us that wants to love the world. And a tiny part of the shame we feel when we’re violated, is shame at being human.


Lovers always find their way by such insights and confidences; they’re the stars we use to navigate the ocean of desire. And the brightest of those are the heart of breaks and sorrows. The most precious gift you can bring to your lover is your suffering.


Men reveal what they think when they look away and what they feel when they hesitate; with women it’s the opposite.


At the moment most of our ways of defining the unit of morality are similar in their intentions though different in their details. So the priests of one nation bless their soldiers as they march to war and the imans of another country bless their solders as they march out to meet them and everybody who is involved in the killing says that he has God on his side. There is no objective and universally accepted definition of good and evil and until we have one we will go on justifying our own actions whilst condemning the actions of others.


If you turn your heart into a weapon you always end up using it on yourself.


Sooner or later fate puts us together with the people who show us what we could or shouldn’t let ourselves become. Sooner or later we meet the drunkard, the waster, the betrayer, the ruthless mind and the hate filled heart but fate loads the dice of course because usually we find ourselves pitying all of these people and its impossible to despise someone when you honestly pity and to shun someone you truly love.


My hate is what saved me. Hate is a very resilient thing you know, hate is a survivor. I had to hide my hate for a long time, people couldn’t handle it, they got spooked by it so I sent it outside myself. It’s weird that I was a refugee for years, I still am, my hate was a refugee just like me. My hate was outside me. My family were all killed, raped and butchered and I killed men, I shot them, I cut their throats and my hate survived out there. My hate got stronger and harder and then I woke up one day working for Khader with money and power and I could feel the hate creeping back into me and it’s here now, inside me, where it belongs and I’m glad, I enjoy it. I need it, Lin. The stronger I am it’s braver that I am, it’s stronger than I am. My hate is my hero.




I mean… *insert heart-eye emoji here*


Opinion Overload

I have recently realised something about myself; I have a lot of opinions. I know, I know – state the fucking obvious Michaela.


When I was in Ireland a while back I remember looking for an article to show my friend on my Facebook wall that I had shared previously and that’s when it hit me – a lot of my posts had been politically charged or about sensitive issues such as sexual abuse, being part of the LGBTQ community, feminism, sexism… you catch my drift; all topics that easily divide opinions.

The first thing that ran through my head was “wow, I bet my friends roll their eyes at all my posts and shares.” I was sorry that I had opinions. Then when I really thought about that knee jerk reaction I had to seeing my own posts I became annoyed – at me. I was sorry? WHAT NOW? Why would I not share something that I find interesting just because someone I connect with on social media might disagree with it? It’s more likely that they just scroll right pass it and don’t think about it.

Opinions. We’ve all got one, right?

giphy (1).gif

Opinions are healthy, opinions mean we are interested and engaged in what is going on around us; in our lives and in the world.

We don’t all have to agree on everything; it isn’t natural for us to. That doesn’t mean we should stop forming, having and expressing opinions. There is nothing I love more than a healthy debate so I personally really enjoy when people have differing opinions. I’d like to think that my opinions are based on a healthy mix of common sense, education about the topic at hand and perhaps a dash of empathy where necessary. I’d also like to presume that everyone elses opinion are based on this mix but one look at the comments section on pretty much ANY online article and I find myself realizing that this is very, very wrong.

You can learn a lot from people who have different opinions and in turn you teach them a lot. What cannot be condoned though is ignorance and, to a point, stubbornness. Opinions are changeable but without that willingness to learn and communicate or process new information in an objective way you will never grow and will probably end up quite a lonely person – I mean, who wants to be around someone who thinks they are ALWAYS right? Not me, sister!

I have always been an opinionated little ratbag. I remember people giving me shit in school for it when I was about 10 years old. Back then it bothered me, now not so much. Why would I chose to stay silent about things I feel strongly about, especially on my own social media? Perhaps more importantly, why should I feel I should keep quiet?

One day I may become so un-bothered by the world and not give a hoot anymore but until then if you dislike me and my opinions then please remove yourself from my social media profiles.

Right, I’m off to sign up for opinions anonymous.

Ciao for now


Fashion, Daaaaahling.

Now, I don’t pretend to be fashion-forward. I am not a slave to fashion in anyway. I am the opposite of that, whatever ‘that’ is called. A slob? I am basic, I’m not glamorous at all – I wish I was but I’m just too lazy. If the colours match and the clothes ‘go’ I’m good. I’ll only dress up if there is reason to, and even then I hate it.

I have friends that are whizzes with make up and always have hair that looks like they stepped out a salon. My hair generally looks like I’ve been dragged through a bush backwards, much to my sister’s dismay. Sorry, bro. My daily make up routine is concealer, bronzer and maybe a smidge of lip-gloss. My new job requires me to have a minimum of mascara and lip gloss on at all times – I went and got eyelash extensions because I don’t fancy poking myself in the eye with a mascara wand at 2am when I get up for the early shift (read: I’m just too lazy)


All of the above goes to show that I am not really in a position to judge people and their fashion choices, however, after seeing one too many people wearing socks and sandals at the airport I felt compelled to write this.


10 fashion trends I just don’t ‘get’



  1. Huaraches


WHAT ARE THESE EVEN MEANT TO BE? Are they trainers? Are they plastic shoes with socks inside? Did a pair of Nike AirMax shag a pair of crocs and the Huarache trainer was their love child?

It continually baffles me that they are popular and that people genuinely brag about owning these shoes. They are so ugly. They offend my eyes. As soon as I see someone wearing a pair I begin to feel sorry for their parents; surely they didn’t raise their child to make such bad life decisions?


Screen Shot 2016-08-25 at 20.14.33



  1. Partial shaved head


Girls, what is this about? I don’t get it. Someone please explain. I’m yet to meet more than a handful of girls that can really pull this off. Can we all just take a moment to acknowledge that just because Rihanna pulled it off doesn’t mean we all can. So stop it. Please. Now.

Screen Shot 2016-08-25 at 20.16.24.png

As demonstrated here, it doesn’t work on everyone. Sorry, Avril.



  1. High heels that you can’t walk in


As a self-professed lazy fashionista I’m only in a heel on a night out/ dinner / date / special occasion. I might rock a heeled boot in the day during winter but other than that heels are relegated in favour of my Vans or Converse. When I do go shopping for heels and wear them, call me crazy; I always make sure I CAN ACTUALLY WALK IN THEM. Ladies, you don’t look sexy when you can’t walk in your shoes. You just look like someone shoved a pole up your butt, or Bambi on ice. Potato, potartoe. Also, just so you know, the trick to walking in heels is don’t bend your knees too much. You’re welcome.


Screen Shot 2016-08-25 at 20.19.22.png



  1. Nails that are super long


I’m gonna be real for a second – how do you wipe your arse when you’ve been potty? I’m genuinely interested to know. I’ve had acrylics that are a decent length before and struggled with everything from texting on my phone to doing my bras up. How do you girls do it with nails that are inches long? Pray tell.


Screen Shot 2016-08-25 at 20.21.19

How do you get things done with nails like this? Or am I just a fail of a girl?



  1. Facial piercings


Just no. On both sexes. The only piercing that is acceptable on the face is a nose piercing. (Tongue isn’t on the face before THOSE people get their panties in a bunch). Eyebrow piercings make you look like you’ve been in prison for assault. ‘Madonna’ piercings or whatever they are called makes you look like you’ve got a big spot that needs taking care of. Lip piercings… see my note on Madonna piercings. Although, actually, on the right person a lip ring can look kind of hot. That could be my inner 15 y/o emo talking though.


Screen Shot 2016-08-25 at 20.24.39.png

Nose =beaut. Madonna=big spot



  1. ‘Fuckboy: the hair cut’


You all know what I mean. I’m sure, once upon a time, fashion was about individuality and expressing yourself. Trends come and go. This trend seems to have taken off on another level and is a trend that just WON’T LEAVE. You look like Phil and Lil from Rugrats. Stop it.

Please note: this is coming from someone who enjoys a man bun so I understand if you feel that this is a case of pot calling the kettle black.

Screen Shot 2016-08-25 at 20.26.48.png

Phil and Lil : unlikely trendsetters


  1. Louis Vuitton/Burberry Print product


Ruined by chavs everywhere. If you’re getting LV or Burberry product don’t get the prints. We all know it’s not cheap (if it’s genuine) but when I see these prints now it screams CHEAP to me.

Screen Shot 2016-08-25 at 20.28.18

Ruined by chavs everywhere.


  1. Ted Baker bags


Not a TB handbag but the one’s that look kind of plastic normally with a big bow on. The tote. Again. No. Just no. Someone needs to explain the reason most girls covet these because it is lost on me. Did I miss a memo?

Screen Shot 2016-08-25 at 20.29.16.png



  1. Poo coloured matte lipstick.


I’m a fan of a matte lipstick. My personal favourite is a red or a berry shade. Poop brown? Naaa bruv. Leave it alone. Why do you want to look like you’ve smeared poop on your lips? Also, it makes teeth look yellow. Take the poop lipstick out the make up bag and drop it down the loo with the rest of the poop where it belongs.


Screen Shot 2016-08-25 at 20.32.13.png

Matte Brown Lip. Not for me.



  1. Fake Uggs


Call me a snob (it’s find, I am) BUT WHY GOD, WHY? They last for all of 5 minutes, always fall at the back. It’s not a good look. If you must wear Uggs, do us all a favour and save all those £10’s you spend on the Primarni specials from September to March and treat yourself to some real ones. Both your feet and the eyes of the general public will thank you for it.

Screen Shot 2016-08-25 at 20.31.18

Don’t be the girl on the left. 



So there you have it, my top ten fashion fails. I will be judging you if you commit these fashion crimes. Do you agree with any of these? Would you add any others?

Oh, and before you all get offended, just remember this is my opinion. You don’t have to agree with it. I’m sure there will be around the same number of people that agree with what I have written here as the number of people with a brain and a conscious that think that Trump will make a good president.

Go forth and fashion, my dahlings.