Thank you for being a friend.

Hi guys and dolls,

I hope this finds you all well. I’m currently sat on my bed in my pants, half singing/ half crying along to Maren Morris (totes emosh, hun) and eating Marmite on toast for dinner because I clearly suck at adulting.

In the last post I shared I spoke about how life had been a bit of a shitter lately,  well my very best friend in the whole world knew I’d been having a shit time and decided to book me a wee treat to cheer me up. Last night Rachel and I had a cracking night at Komedia in Brighton. Their Sunday night comedy club, dinner and drinks was JUST what the doctor ordered. We walked out of there with tears in our eyes and stitches in our sides.

I’ve dedicated a post to Rachel before, and I can pretty much guarantee that I will again. She is just THE BEST. When people have asked me to describe her I say she’s just like me but SO MUCH BETTER. I’m sorry for the shouty capitals but she’s just my favourite. It’s a very rare thing to feel understood and accepted for all your sides, some of which are really not pretty and she’s never made me feel any less of a person for not being so completely imperfect. Rachel is one of a handful of people who I will happily talk to at anytime, always via text because not only does she understand how much I detest talking on the phone (WHO HAS TIME FOR THIS) but she hates it just as much.

THANK YOU, RACHY-RACH. YOU DA BESTEST.

As I am a big geek I then started Googling (what did we do before google?) different types of friends and it appears a lot of people have a lot of opinions on the different types of friends you can have.

Quite famously (well, in my friendship groups anyway) I once upset my favourite Irishman by saying we were acquaintances at a time he thought we were legit friends (I’m nothing if honest). He’s still bitter about it to this day – MARK SEWELL, IF YOU’RE READING THIS I’M SORRY I’M NOT SORRY. I LOVE YOU LIKE A BROTHER NOW THOUGH OK. YOU WILL BE MY FRIEND UNTIL I’M DEAD. AND THEN WHEN I’M DEAD I’LL COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU BECAUSE ANNOYING YOU IS MY FAVOURITE THING TO DO.

Back to my point though, I think a lot of people throw the word ‘friend’ around too easily these days. I actually put a lot on that word. Maybe I’m overthinking it but maybe I’m not. I like to keep things neat and organised so I box people in to either ‘Internet friend’, ‘Friend of a friend’, ‘work friend’, ‘ acquaintance’, ‘friend’ , ‘BEST PALS’. I always say I don’t have a lot of friends, even though when I list them I do probably have more than average. It just feels like I don’t sometimes because all of my friends are so scattered over the UK and various other parts of the world.

I am very good at staying in touch though; I will always make the effort with those I want in my life. Though don’t get me twisted it is a two-way street and if it’s me doing all the reaching, I’m out.

The older I’m getting the more I’m appreciating my friends that are chilled. I have no time for the drama anymore. I want low effort relationships. If you’re too much hassle, SEE YA PAL. I also find myself listening to my sisters more as I get older. They have told me before that they think people aren’t good for me which, of course, at the time I am completely shocked and offended by. In hindsight though, they are usually completely correct. I need low-key, like me.

 So to my best best best friends, thanks for always making sure it’s a two-way street, for making the effort and letting me moan and vent and be sad and perfectly imperfect around you. I hope I do the same for you. Thanks for not being extra. I actually like you, guys. Like, a lot. I’m sorry I’m not around more. It’s because whilst I love you, I hate people.

Thanks for putting up with me and my brutally honest self. Thanks for letting me sing Disney in your face one minute and then debate politics with you the next. Thanks for telling me when I’m right (you know I lap that shit up) but, more importantly, thanks for telling me when I’m wrong.  Thanks for being there to discuss the really important things in life-like “Do giraffes get neck ache?”. You know I would go to the ends of the earth for you, especially if you’re meeting me there with Tequila. I hope I make you feel equally spesh (I’m not so good at expression soppy emotional shit, so I’m gonna stop now before it just becomes stupidly sarcastic and insincere). You’re all on at least a 3 year sentence so I must be doing something right?!

 BIG LOVE, FRIENDS.

 AND THANKS.

xoxo Micks

 

 

A change of perspective.

Hi friends,

I’d been feeling pretty overwhelmed about work and I was feeling really very sorry for myself. I’d been covering two stores for about 12 weeks, was struggling to balance everything, focus myself and what we were all trying to achieve; like I said I was feeling very overwhelmed. I got to the point where I was moaning to my work bff about it and no amount of pep talk was helping. I was working long days (including the commute some days it was 14hr days), I was tired and had had some stuff going on outside of work too that I wanted to give more of my attention to and that, quite frankly, needed. The thing is I was happy to do it for my boss, whom I have a lot of time and respect for, but I was also kind of done with it.

 

Then I saw this post on Instagram:

 

It was just what I needed to slap some sense into me.

 

Why was I complaining about being busy? Why was I complaining about work at all? I know we all have days that beat us but c’mon Michaela! If I wasn’t busy at work, if I felt useless and not needed then I would be even more down about it.

I’d had a couple months not working when I got home from America at the end of Jan and I was going nuts at home, NUTS.

 

Seeing that post (thanks, Jessie J) gave me kick to change my perspective and be GRATEFUL. I’ve been trying to practice the art of gratitude this year more than I ever have; and seeing this reminded me of that. Why was I complaining about a temporary situation? A situation that actually I was probably lucky to be in? I was being trusted to oversee not one, but two stores, only a little while after returning after effectively jumping ship the year before. I’m doing a job I love, I have amazing work colleagues, I actually like/ respect my boss – how many people can say that? Sure it gets overwhelming at times, sure it’s not perfect but looking at the bigger picture instead of the minutia it’s not bad. Not bad at all.

Sometimes a change of perspective is all that is needed.

So next time I moan about being overwhelmed at work, send me the link to this blog!

 

Xoxo

 

Micks

I’m not a bitch, I’m the boss.

 

First I need to do some background checks. The LadyGang podcast. For those that don’t know The LadyGang is a super fun weekly podcast (Tuesdays are the new Fridays, girls) hosted by Becca Tobin of Glee fame and fash blogger extraordinaire, Jac Vanek the ultimate scene queen and owner of a rad clothing line and my lifespiration Keltie Knight, former Rockette and entertainment journo. Ladies, imagine Sunday brunch with your gal pals talking, laughing, drinking…that is this podcast. Every week they have different guests –mostly fierce females because…LADYgang….duh… the official description is “LadyGang” is a celebrity driven podcast from the minds and mouths of Keltie Knight, Jac Vanek, and Becca Tobin where no subject is off limits. Inspired by their bottomless mimosa brunches, each week, a celebrity guest joins the girls for a raw, honest, and hilarious look at what life is really like under the bright lights of Hollywood.

This weeks guests were the two Foster sisters who created the VH1 show Barely Famous, one of the questions they were asked was around their place as females bosses in Hollywood which is generally dominated by males in power.

This is what they said…

“Whats very hard for women is knowing how to be say what you want without feeling like you’re acting like a bitch. And I have fully accepted acting like a bitch if that’s how it comes across. I think you have to have confidence in your choices, it’s very easy to be talked out of things and I do believe that men will be condescending and by the way women are condescending too….

 

“I don’t need you more than you need me, I am willing to lose what I have, I’d rather do that than stand behind something I don’t believe in.”

 

If a man goes nuclear its fine but if I go nuclear it’s “is it that time of the month, she’s crazy! She’s difficult… but when a guy does it he’s just being a boss.”

 

“As women we learn to justify ourselves and I think as women as soon as you justify yourself you’re asking people to treat you like a child… don’t justify you living.”

 

As someone who has worked herself up from being a minion to being a boss, a female one at that, this is a subject that piques my interest. For various reasons but mainly because it is true and it is something I have experienced more than once whilst I have been management. You should also bear in mind that I work in a very female dominated company – the majority of my fellow store managers are female, the higher up you go the more penises you encounter. I cannot speak for my colleagues when I say I have encountered this, I guess you could call it sexism, but it is something that I have been subject to – especially by customers.

 

I have been spoken down to more times than I care to remember, I get I’m 5’1 and most people have to talk down to me because most people are taller, but being spoken down to because you are a woman, and a short one at that, is something that is a very real thing for me. Or at least it used to be.

 

Over the years, like the Foster sisters suggest, I have stopped trying to justify my existence and stopped trying to, almost apologise, for doing my job. If you do something wrong, I will tell you off. Not because I have my period, because I am the boss. I will tell that customer no, not be because I am hormonal but because I am the boss. I will step in and take over when someone is verbally abusing a member of my team, because I am the boss. Just because I have a vagina it doesn’t mean I am hormonal. It doesn’t make me a bitch. It means I’m doing what I am being paid to do. I am being the boss.

 

If I am being honest, being hobbit sized probably doesn’t help. I do not know what my fellow little ladies have found, but, certainly working in retail, I have found that men, not all men let me make clear, but rather a certain type of man, will try to use their height and general masculinity to try to intimidate me into doing what they want. They will become aggressive, swear, hit things, shout… all to try to make me cower in the corner saying yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir. Take what you want, do what you want just please don’t make poor, weak little me cry. Well I’m sorry dudes, all this does is two things 1. Piss me off more and make me less likely to go out my way to help you 2. Make me think you’re trying to make up for something else. You need to show your masculinity to the world in that kind of way? You’re insecure, bro.

 

If you google ‘Female Boss’ it makes my heart drop.

“Are female bosses really that awful?”

“Why men and women prefer male bosses?’

“Don’t work for a female boss”

Just a few of the headlines you’ll find when you google ‘female boss’.

Really? Like, really, really? Are we that bad? I don’t get it. The female bosses I have worked for, which has been a lot over the last decade, have not been bad. Some of them did leave me wondering how they actually got the job in the first place, but none of them have made my life hell. If anything it was those women that empowered me and taught me all I know. It was women that gave me the opportunity to progress and coached me into being the manager I am now. Of course I’m not perfect at my job, but I work at it.

 I could sit here a list ways in which you could get ahead in the workplace, or lessons I have learnt being a female boss but there are enough articles on the web that can do that for you. All I will say is this… the Foster sisters hit the nail on the head

STOP JUSTIFYING YOURSELF.

Erase the word ‘just’ from your vocab. You’re not ‘just’ checking up on the progress on the report that’s due. You’re checking up on it. Cut the fluff. You’re doing your job. It’s business,it’s not personal; if anyone takes offence to that or calls you a bitch for that, screw’em. I mean, still be polite, manners are free, but don’t apologise for doing your job. Your employee isn’t going to be the one sat in a room with your boss explaining why that shipment didn’t come in on time, or that deadline was missed. You will be. So make sure no one puts you in that position. You’re in control.

Own it.

Work it.

Get it done.

Preferably in a fabulous pair of shoes.

Xoxo Micks

Subscribe to the LadyGang podcast for a does of awesome every Tuesday on itunes or listen on Podcast one. You can also sign up to their mailing list at http://www.theladygang.com

Shop Jac’s site: http://www.jacvanek.com

Follow Becca’s blog: http://www.junemoss.com

Follow Keltie on Instagram because she’ll love you forever @keltieknight

Screen Shot 2016-08-03 at 22.01.25.png